I joined CM and all i got was this stupid blog

When i was a little girl i'd collect caterpillars and feed them until the turned into pupa i had pupa all over my household in mason jars etc i often times collected them because i wanted to see what moths or butterflies they'd become. You see when i was younger i used to want to be a etymologist it was something i was obsessed over caterpillars was just simply one of my hobbies as a child, i think one of the reasons for my great interest in them though was metamorphosis. I've been thinking a lot lately in all thats been going on in my life lately with my life about metamorphosis how important it is on our journey through life only i believe people don't just have three states like a caterpillar but that people go through constant metamorphosis and i think it's important for growth and development, but conversely i often wonder if it's possible for a person to constantly grow with one person people grow apart take different paths grow disinterested not just in romantic lives but also in D/s relationships over the last few months i've gained subs and freed subs etc i just feel like sometimes life is overly complex and i miss the simple joys of watching other creatures grow up into their adult selves i think people often take youth for granted, i miss being the kid who had a kiddie pool that i bred frogs in and flooded our neighborhood with frogs other times i'm proud of who i've become as an adult.

I've been reading Marilyn Mansons book lately as well (or read it in two nights as i tend to do with books i enjoy) and the things that would have scared the 18 year old me in that book intrigued the 20 year old me who knows when i'm 25 i might be in a total different level of depravity or i might be a nun lol you never know with me i'm a extreme person. i've worked like a dog as of late since my mom broke her hip and it leaves me little time for writing these ramblings sometimes i wish i could automatically journal all of my random thoughts throughout the day so that it doesn't make it look frantic but i'm sure if ya'll got to see all of my thoughts you'd run away screaming.

the most interesting question i get asked fairly frequently from beginners and experienced kinksters alike is what my favorite kink is the truth is i don't have one (insert readers shocked face) because i'm constantly changing what i enjoy most people often say that not having a favorite is a cop out but in general why would i go to a buffet and only choose to eat steak when theres shrimp over there and ice cream and all sorts of variety granted i have my meat and potatoes kink and few limits but i think the saying variety is the spice of life is one of the most honest things i've heard in life.well i figured i'd write 2 journal entries for my thoughts but apparently my plans decided to change so instead of double post friday it'll be really long post friday.

I find it funny often times how people are in the lifestyle now not everyone but a lot of them either judge others kinks or have a elitist attitude over what makes someone dominant or submissive and what doesn't well i'm of the mind set that to each their own and what works for some might not work for others. Kink can be therapeutic i think people have a natural duality to them and most people fight the dark side but it seems like people into kin explore their darker sides flesh out what most people fear and find beauty in them. I've met people and experimented in things i never thought i would some weren't my kinks some became them but i find the dual sides people keep is interesting like the man who's alpha in his day to day life but wants nothing more than to kneel before a woman in the night, or conversely the southern girl who was raised in a religious family raised that a woman should be quiet polite and a good cook (if you havent figured out by now the second example is me and yes i am a good cook but i'm far from quiet) i have my beliefs in life and i know what i want people often assume because of my age my looks or something else that i'm not kinky enough not experienced enough or just not something enough but like beauty kink can be in the eye of the beholder.

Life like people is a complex web of everything melded together. i'm a little bit of eveything but in the bottom of everything i am me i'm a Domme i'm a southern girl a country girl with a goth side i'm a christian i'm a sinner i'm a fighter and i'm stronger than i look and tougher than i'm given credit for. i have my kinks and my limits i am a human being just like everyone else real fake or flake everyone at their core is a human being granted there are some human beings i don't want to socialize with but everyone has feelings and emotions getting to the root of that gives me a better respect for life it's why i don't send initial messages that are demanding commanding and bitchy i have that side to me but i am a human looking for other human interaction first cold blooded second i think if everyone felt the same there would be a lot less people who got their feelings injured but not everyone will think that way thats the beauty of the world different opinions and points of view.

I wish i could articulate my thoughts better but unfortunately a spot of ADD makes it difficult to stay on tangent i often find my best thoughts when i'm busying my hands cleaning or doing farm work it clears my mind enough to get my feelings and thoughts expressed but maybe it's better that i remain a mystery to everyone but myself, i find kinky people for the most part even if they fit in with society can feel like outcasts within their families their lives etc because they can't just openly say hey i'm kinky without judgment i have for the most part done this which didn't always mean kittens and rainbows sometimes it came with misunderstanding freak outs etc but now i feel more accepted. at the end of the day i'm me i'm everything good and everything bad that comes with being me i enjoy my life for what it is and i enjoy myself for what i am i might evolve and change over time but at the end of the day i am who i am and that person is kinky. I was going to title this blog entry from a maggot to a moth but thought the more sarcastic humor would be more amusing to people. as always heres my wishlist hopefully i didn't confuse the hell out of everyone i feel like this has become less blog more journal and a way to chronicle my feelings and express myself My wishlist

sadistic rant

Well when i decided to write this blog it was supposed to be a insight in my thought process and ramblings both the good the bad and the ugly well we'll see how well this post is received in comparison to my others. Tonight like almost every night that i don't see my boyfriend which is nearly all the time except weekends basically we texted and he did his usual nit picking that i don't really love him that if someone rich and handsome came along i'd leave him that i was full of shit when i said he was cute the usual. He knows these things hurt me but blames his insecurities like thats his magic fix all to wipe away the hurt he feels i've always had a extreme loyalty with him we started off as best friends we've been friends for almost 3 years before we even started dating i'm open with him about everything i even switch with him and let him take the dominant role on occasion it's just lately i feel like i'm being punished for his insecurities not sure what to do at this point but a relationship whine isn't what i'm blogging for its the emotion it breaks loose in me.

I'm tired of nurturing him cooing in his ear that i love him blah blah blah quit fucking bitching already before i decide to take a swing at you, granted i admittedly have temper issues i usually reign it in but with valentines day coming up he's not making me feel special at all and all i wanted was a romantic weekend together so now instead i kinda want to beat him within and inch of his life just for the fun of it he wouldn't let me though a gentle tap on the ass is all he allows it seems since he's mostly vanilla. Ive been wanting to take it out on subs instead but i'm conflicted about those feelings yes partially i'd be doing it because i do have a sadistic streak and enjoy that side of the lifestyle as well but is my venting through corporeal punishment of another a abuse of power? some are masochistic and enjoy it i just feel conflicted sometimes about my wants and urges i guess even for lifestylers there are still some taboos

If i were to use someone for a beating tonight i'd be honest about the place it was coming from though in the pre scene interview but in all honesty sometimes i want to push limits a lot of subs fear things like knife and needle play and those are things i find interesting both from the submissive stand point and the dominant one. I've subbed before many times it is part of who i am even though i don't consider myself a switch i've been in the subspace that things like bondage tasks and pain can bring that release of stress that clear headedness that deep inner part of you breathing deeply in a sigh as you shrug off your stress and inhibitions i also believe that there is a reverse of that a domspace for lack of a better word that the causing of pain or giving of tasks controlling your sex etc gives me makes me feel like i control another creature that your some little bunny in a cage that i could poke the bunny or pet the bunny based off my mood that freedom of control that putting all my stresses out on you is freeing.

i think thats really all i should rant about for now since it's 1:30 in the morning and the only thing that would get me out of this mood right now would be some subbie abuse or shopping therapy and i doubt either is in store for me tonight so as always heres my wishlist buy me something if you wanna help rid me of my mood

You can't buy me or my affections for that

Well first off you can't buy me at all why? i'm priceless. My affections are given to those who earn it i've got a few subs even some that aren't mine i'm affectionate towards (MM SMW BMTV) are the initials of a couple usernames of some that i genuinely enjoy talking to and flirting with. tonight though i got annoyed some random sub messaged me luckily for him i'm a lady and wont post usernames because its uncouth but he offers me 10$ as a tribute now thats fine and dandy i'd take a free 10$ if thats what you wanted to do but expecting long term servitude on 10$ is laughable i get it your broke we all are it's life but why contact a findomme if you don't have more than 10$ set aside he claimed to be looking at my profile for a while now but just then found the courage to talk to me well thats fine but i'm way more valuable than 10$ and when subs try that crap on me it makes me feel like they think thats my value it's so frustrating and thats what put me on the end of my rope he seemed like a nice enough guy but unless you have something special to offer don't come begging to me for 10$ you could probably buy something small on my wishlist for that but still if your going to do something like that don't expect to be collared or even considered for 10$ it'd be a start but a slow one.Wishlist can be found here

Fantasy about/for one of my favorite subs

This is for a sub i released a while back he's one of my favorite subs and we still play occasionally but he's hoping to find someone local so he's been released to find his one although if he ever moved to colorado you could bet i'm collaring that cute little butt of his. This is a fantasy i had after a recent session we had where we briefly discussed him possibly coming out to visit now this would not be the case with most local sessions he's special if you contact me expecting something similiar well fuck off i typically don't do sexual things with subs special sub special circumstances.

You were in for a visit we'd talked so long online and you had served so dutifully no matter how humiliating or absurd your task was you followed it dutifully and without question, sometimes i admit i did things to see how far i could push your limits or just because it was funny to me which i still think you knew at least somewhat that in my deviousness i was trying to push you as you say i do have a evil smile. Which i was wearing when i answered the door you had on that shy little grin you always wear when your flustered the one that makes me giggle. As soon as you walked in a shock collar was firmly placed around your neck my evil smirk never leaving my face i told you to put your things in my room as that would be where you would stay during your stay i never said you'd be sleeping on the foot of my bed like a good little pet.

I allowed you to remove you collar long enough to shower although i stayed in the bathroom with you whilest you did to amuse myself with watching your body. Once finished with your shower i placed my nipple clamps on you not your cute but weaker ones and instructed you that you'd be cleaning the house and cooking dinner with the additional note that you weren't allowed to wear clothing and had to remain nude throughout his cleaning. i followed him throughout his cleaning with the remote to the shock collar in one hand a drink in the other smiling as he did his job i would send an occasional jolt to him if his pace wasn't fast enough or if i simply go bored and wanted a laugh.

After dinner was cooked i set out a dog bowl with his name written on it i bought special for him,he'd been trained to eat off the floor so well after all i figured he should have something special as a reward a bowl of his very own. As i set it down my corseted breast brushed against his muscled arm and i reached down and ran my fingers along his chaste cock the keys on a necklace i wore dangling between my breasts, he gave such a sad longing look that i simply giggled and gave him another zap from the dog collar. "now be a good boy eat your dinner and if your lucky i might just train you in other ways that you'd need to be trained, you make such a good house slave we'll see how you are as a sex slave later".

After dinner was eaten and the kitchen was cleaned he followed me to the bedroom where i have him kneel in front of the bed and worship my heels and feet i was wearing one of my favorite pairs red penthouse heels that had white and red gingham patterning at the top with a flower on top and a peep toe i instructed him to lick them clean after he finished licking all over my shoes he slipped my feet from them and began rubbing them occasionally sucking on my toes after a while i kneeled down unlocking his cock and after he removed his device i instructed him to unlace my corset i could have done it myself i do on a daily basis the but whats the point of doing it yourself when you have a perfectly good slave for it. once freed from my clothing i instructed him to masturbate whilst worshiping my body since i didn't want him to cum too quickly when i decided to use him.

As he kissed and massaged my body with his one free hand his breath quickened and he begged to be allowed to cum the hint of desperation more than a tad amusing i debated telling him to keep going but if he came he'd be punished for it but that defeated the purpose of me having him jack off to begin with i grabbed him by the collar placing him firmly kneeling in position in front of me i allowed him to cum on the condition he was to clean up his mess he came on my thighs as i removed his collar. I pushed him down to lick up his own cum giggling at the visible embarrassment and taunting him about it making him blush i brought him up to stand with me out of my heels and him finally allowed to stand the size difference was obvious. And a obvious turn on to have the control over a creature who not only was bigger than me but also stronger knowing if he wanted to he could over power me but instead chose to be my pet was a exhilarating rush.

I grabbed a few of my whips and instructed him to lay across my lap me removing his nipple clamps before he did so once across my lap his ass facing skyward i commented on how cute his little ass was and how red it would be when i was through. I told him if he made any noise while he was whipped he'd be whipped extra for it. I started off easily on him using the suede flogger to get him used to the impact mocking him continuously for his flinching before impact after about 20 strokes of the suede flogger i moved up to the leather flogger i was only going to do 10 strokes with it but he whimpered which made me give him 20 with that as well by the time i moved up to the cane he was panting and trying desperately to stay quiet i only caned him lightly 5 times and he dutifully stayed quiet when i let him get up from my lap he went back to his kneeling position at me feet which caused him obvious pain but he still had a look of longing submission in his eyes despite his reddened backside.

"lay down on the bed" i said with a smirk on my face, he dutifully fufilled the command finding himself being put into the underbed restraints i looked over absently to see his cock was once again hard looked like he liked his little spanking. I climbed him reaching his neck planting a little kiss before biting him hard enough to leave teeth marks on his neck.i mounted his face my pussy resting on his lips a devious smirk on my my face "if your a good boy and can make me cum as much as i want you might just get rewarded" i said leaning back and stroking his cock momentarily, at that his tongue began to frantically work my pussy licking and sucking as i bucked my hips on his face my wet pussy grinding into him after about an hour and a few orgasms later a dismounted his face i pulled a condom out of my drawer put it in my mouth and slipped my mouth and the condom over his throbbing cock he gasped and moaned slightly when i did so.

i put my hips over his grabbing him by the cock and slipping it back and forth over my wet pussy he struggled in his restraints at that point. I knew if he was free his submission nature might be overtaken by his sexual nature and he would have just tried to get himself inside me at that point the restraints had been a good idea usually when it came to men restraint was always a good idea. "please goddess oh please i'll serve you in anyway you wish" he begged causing me to smirk and slip his cock inside me which he bucked his hips as soon as he entered me. I rode him rough grinding my hips furiously i told him if he came without permission and i wasn't satisfied he'd have hell to pay.

as i rode him to my first orgasm i clawed into his chest hard enough to make him cry out and break the skin but that didn't stop me or him we were like animals trying to fuck each other as hard and roughly as our bodies were able after about my fourth orgasm he had claw marks and bite marks pretty much everywhere within reach and was begging to be allowed to cum so allowed him to cum he bucked inside me feverishly after it was all done i unrestrained him and told him he'd be sleeping at the foot of the bed like a good pet. I kissed him on the forehead and told him he'd done and good job but still had a lot to learn.

Now as i said at the beginning of the entry it was a fantasy it's for a special sub and knowing the chances of him coming to colorado will most likely never happen i don't do this with every sub nor would i want to special permissions from my boyfriend etc has to be recieved for things like this to happen it's a nice fantasy i enjoy it i think i'll keep the fantasy but it's not my domination style oh and heres my Wishlist again you should get me stuff it'd be awesome