My life has been so complicated these last few years words cannot convey the changes I've went through. I've missed my community so much but the break was good it has given me clarity which has in turn shown me that this is where i belong once forever and always. Meditation has taught me that if you have something that makes you happy stay with it.
Some things haven't changed there are still those who tried to make it a negative experience but thankfully for every bad person well every 10 bad people you find the one who is true and genuine who puts forth the effort to try to make you happy who serves without ego and with selflessness there are few out there that can make this claim. Fewer still who can live up to it. I've found one such creature and i have hopes to find more.
There is such a joy to bdsm that makes me feel like i belong and as many probably can agree belonging is not a feeling we get often in this life. I've decided that among the change of coming back to bdsm and of changing my hair over more one of the major changes in my life will be to move away from the family farm out on my own hopefully to go onto greener pastures pun intended i do want to start school and use this as a opportunity to further my life but i also want to use it as a opportunity to get more real time bdsm experience as well as the freedom to do more frequent online i want to get back into the full swing of things again.
Now I'm in the best shape and situation I've been in years my mental health is doing well giving me the happiness and inspiration to keep going and being the best most creative guides i can be and I'm in a happy relationship the first I've had since my divorce and it's awesome to feel almost complete with someone who supports and encourages my bdsm interests I'm finally off the daily pain killers and I'm working towards the goal of my breast reduction my first appointment is in September and I've lost around 40 pounds from all the hiking and working out I've been doing I'm in good all around shape and cannot wait to help use this new found strength to guide others.
Another thing that is amazing to me is just how much I've been inspired of late I've been doing research into new fetishes feeling inspired to write again it's a beautiful up that i feel will start around this time. I've had a marked interest in getting to play with hypnosis learning meditation in the mental institution made me realize just how malleable the human mind is just a little tweak here a prod there and before long happily following my ever little whim. That's all for now I'll write more as the feeling of inspiration comes.
