to be or not to be owned

ownership isn't something to be taken lightly, you wouldn't walk up and randomly propose to a woman just because you found her hot would you? (if you would then you really are a idiot) it's a commitment not to be taken lightly so before you offer yourself up for ownership ask yourself some things like firstly are you okay with serving and being loyal to one goddess and one alone? while some goddesses will occasionally let their boys tribute other goddesses it doesn't mean your free to without permission and if you can't find yourself loyal then maybe you shouldn't be owned.

Another question to ask yourself is can you be honest? why honesty you might be wondering well it's fairly simple honesty is proven fairly quickly when owned because there will always be dommes who try to poach if your not honest about them contacting you then well let me put it this way things have a habit of coming out in the wash and you'll be found out if your not up front and honest eventually and when that happens you'll get a bad reputation and dismissal which is very disgraceful.

Is the Domme your wanting to serve the right one for you? while finding your lady attractive is important keep in mind that looks fade and the biggest sex organ is the brain think about whether your goals of your servitude are aligned whether you share similar kinks or even if your compatible in a friendly manner. these are important things to consider in your search.

Are you being disrespectful by asking instantly for ownership? it's no wonder that many dommes make payout fees to end ownership when so many subs are hi i love you own me now please it's tacky and honestly makes me wanna smack subs around a bit when they do it and not in a fun way. It's one thing to tell a domme hey i think we could be compatible can i work towards ownership it's another entirely just to expect her to instantly put the work into you when no trust on either side has been built or getting to know one another.

It's a common misconception with newer subs that you have to be owned to play or owned at some point to be a "real sub/slave" well guess what that's a load of horse manure. Firstly there's community whore's subs who enjoy playing the field and theres nothing wrong with that as long as your not making promises that your not following through with. You are a real sub or slave by your definition if you don't feel you need to be owned to serve or your allergic to monogamy that doesn't make you less of a slave it just makes you who you are.

So in the end think about what you want before you bring in another persons time to be wasted think of the pros and cons of ownership if it's something you want then proceed with the lady of your choosing who is someone you can see yourself serving long term. Don't run off after ownership, Don't back out of fees that are agreed upon, Don't lie about wanting to be owned just because you think the domme wants to hear tose things. Do be yourself and be open about experience or lack of it, Do be honest about what you seek straightforward subs tend to make more friends than sneaky ones.

It's up to you whether or not you want to be owned subs are not submissive to all but they choose who they submit to theres power in that and in that power you have a responsibility to have a little slice of integrity in your actions. If a domme ran around doing unethical things she's called unprofessional (and while i disagree with that term unless she's a pro domme because then it seems more like business less like fetish) if you do things the same way as from  submissive standpoint you are just as unprofessional and unethical as the dommes that are often mocked.

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mentoring

Okay since i've been having so many ladies ask me lately to mentor them i've decided to write this blog out, firstly when i mentor a girl it's usually when i get along with them well where not only do i mentor them but we're also friends (occasionally FWB but thats not always the case) if i'm taking time away from finding my own subs to help you find your own and help you find your path so that means i'm throwing away tributes to give you my time so don't waste it nothing pisses me off more than me getting close to and mentoring a girl only for her to start getting her tributes and then start acting like her shit don't stink or disappear this isn't always the case idk if she wants public mentioning so i'll refer to her as miss K but not only did i help mentor her but we shared secrets and we're still to this day very close we get each other gifts occasionally etc i prefer respect from those i take the time to help.

When a girl i'm mentoring gets a tribute it makes me so insanely happy that what she's doing is working and she blossoms into her own i don't mentor to get something out of it i mentor because i enjoy the feeling of helping and teaching other dommes and i don't mind taking on new ladies to help but at the same time don't forget your roots and where you come from and who helped you get there. i have a insane amount of respect for any lady who's guided me and given me tips over the years and i expect some respect if you want to learn from me as well since i'm taking my time to help you.

Ladies always say their time is valuable and that's true no i wont charge you to learn from me but i do expect that i'm to be treated properly for helping you out i love my girls still to this day i have girls i mentored years ago that i keep in close contact with and i love the connection you can get with other dommes almost like a sisterhood and you don't always have to take my advice but if you want to learn from me i do expect you to respect me and the advice i give if this bugs you the don't contact me to teach you

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Jilted by time.

So you got your time wasted? well it happens to us all for a variety of reasons, whether it's because your new and don't know how much time to spend before asking for a tribute and let subs take advantage, or maybe your bored and feel like spending a little extra time on a sub, hell even if they give you a feeling like they just need to warm up to you etc. Firstly don't feel bad if you get taken for a ride it has happened to the best of us and that's a part of life sometimes instead of learning by suggestion you have to learn by learning yourself and even after learning this lesson you still might repeat it. Now that we've gotten that out of the way we'll start with how your time is only wasted if you let it.

Some dommes after this lesson have certain rules, like myself for instance my rules are until tribute is given only vanilla conversations or questions regarding their experience level take place that way they don't get anything fun for free. Other dommes i've heard only do vanilla conversations or a certain number of conversations before tribute is given so theirs ways to try and set parameters to try to avoid time wasters more though sometimes you break these parameters if you so choose or don't have them at it takes all kinds ladies. If a sub makes you feel like their wasting your time move along the fetish should be fun and if they make you feel negative i wouldn't stick around.

Subs can only waste the amount of time you give them to waste i prefer trying to get a small tribute early on in a conversation if i click with the sub even if it's 5$ it shows their serious about wanting to put something out there time wasting subs typically pinch pennies so hard they have abe Lincoln permanantly engraved on their finger so it's a semi decent way to weed them out. But here's the kicker if you decide to spend 2 hours talking constantly with a sub then tribute comes up and like some form a cheap magic poof he disappears then you wasted your time because you let him string you along if you started to feel like it was going to be a endless conversation either leave or bring up tribute sooner.

As always your the domme your in control of the conversation so don't let subs take you for a ride only to walk off and get their jollies. Will it still happen from time to time yes, but if you always keep in the back of your mind he isn't wasting my time unless i let him then your more likely to know when to set your cards down and tell it like it is and walk away hopefully this helps other ladies have less of their time wasted and a better view point.

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questioning the questions

Just because i want to get to know subs doesn't mean i'm less of a domme it doesn't mean that getting to know someone makes me less in control from a logical standpoint if a domme knows more about a sub ho they got into bdsm what their experiences are what their interests and limits are it's easier to get into their heads and get into a mental state where you can give them a really good mind fuck. I think a lot of bdsm is cerebral and just going through the motions for the sake of it gets old quickly. i like finding nuances in a subs personality and using them against them some subs have told me that i was good at mind fucking them without them even realizing it until it's too late to turn back and thats because i take the time to get to know a bit about any potential sub.

Some subs have said that a sub shouldn't tell a domme their ideals because then it's automatically topping from the bottom or she's not a real domme. that might be the case if the domme did exactly what the subs ideal was but that's not why i ask. i ask because it tells me how you work as a sub it tells me how you view bdsm and findom it tells me how your mind thinks and considers bdsm and findom it. Also why not learn as much as possible about a sub and their interests to know if their compatible or not for instance if my favorite fetish is a hard limit for them there probably better off with a mistress who's also not interested in that fetish.

So if subs want to judge me based on my interest in getting to know them on a psychological level then thats their loss because anyone can walk up call a sub some names and say give me money (not accusing anyone of that) but my style is to try and find what makes a sub tick partially because i sat in on a lot of my moms psychology classes for college so it gave me a fascination with the workings of the human mind and partially because sometimes it's good to know for instance a sub hates writing lines so that if they piss me off i can go to some of the things that annoy the subs for whatever reason they need punishing.

I also tend to find it interesting that will say things to the affect of oh if you ask about what i want your not a true domme or your not as dominant as other dommes who don't ask those things because that to me lacks submission entirely. they think it's not submissive of them to answer those questions but they still find it submissive to tell you your not dominant for asking those questions. I find it rather disrespectful yet funny at the same time.

Honestly if i cant find a intellectual connection with a sub then i'm less likely to have much interest with him maybe it's because i find intelligence sexy or maybe it's because stupid people annoy me either way it's my preference as a domme to know more about a sub and i'm sure all the subs i own have owned or have rt sessioned with would agree that i'm dominant whether i ask those questions or not

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why leaving UC/owned subs alone is important

Firstly i could say the obvious thing that is do unto others as you would have them do to you but i think a little more depth is important in this situation. So i'll break this down into sections, firstly like any relationship it's important not to try and put a wedge between a couple in this instance it's the D/s  couple that you would be putting a wedge between. Ethically would you go around trying to split up a couple who are engaged or something just because you had a interest in the man? if you answered yes i would say re-evaluate your thought process if you answered no then why would you want to try and split up a dynamic between two people.

But subs stray. While thats true if they had no where to stray to then they'd be less likely to go from domme to domme to domme (i'm not saying community whores but subs who say they want ownership) i have in my profile that if a sub wants to stray from his mistress to not bother with me because i wont aid in cheating if a sub can't be honest with themselves and others then their not worth my time and shouldn't be worth your time either, because if they'd do it to another domme they'll do it to you and keep going from domme to domme so while sometimes they are responsible for their disloyalty why would you wish to aid them in disrespecting the female gender in general if you believe in female supremacy then helping a sub betray a fellow woman defeats that purpose and even if you don't believe in female supremacy why would you help a sub do something he'd turn around and do to you.

If your a domme and you don't take the time to check to see if a sub is owned or if you know a sub is owned and contact them anyway you'll get a very bad reputation very quickly with other ladies as being rude unethical and distasteful and i've had subs who've been contacted (who wished to remain unnamed) say that they felt that dommes who contacted them when they were owned trying to seduce them away from their owners were sleazy desperate and didn't deserve to be called dominant. Now who wants to run around with a reputation like that i know i don't i'd much rather lose a few bucks by keeping away from owned UC or straying boys then to be seen as anything less than a goddess.

Another point is if you owned a sub how would you feel if you found out a domme was doing it to your owned sub i'm sure you wouldn't appreciate them trying to steal away your pet whether it worked or not it's still a affront to the time and effort you put into owning a sub, lets be realistic ownership while rewarding is a more time consuming and sometimes more tedious thing than just playing with a sub so why would you want to put in all that effort just to get a metaphorical finger from another domme trying to piss on your head and tell you it's raining. If you want you be treated like a respected lady then act like one i don't want other ladies messing with my subs so i don't mess with theirs if we all lived by that then there wouldn't be any issues with sub stealing. Yes dommes are competitive yes theres probably more findommes than finsubs but that doesn't mean you have to act without class. You make less enemies if you follow basic domme etiquette.

Another thing to consider is repercussions other than a bad reputation such as other dommes being less likely to give you heads up on time wasters or give advice or help you etc if you try to steal subs your often times pushed out of the domme sisterhood and treated like a pariah.

This part is for the subs. Not everyone wants to be owned that's logical and understandable if you want to be a community slut be upfront and honest about it your less likely to make enemies that way, why not be honest and leave in your wake a bunch of happy dommes who played with you a bit and moved on than a bunch of pissed off ex owners who you wont be able to play with again and revisit. if your not sure if you want to be owned or not say so you cause ladies less trouble that way. To the boys who are loyal to their ladies and give them a heads up when a domme tries to sneak them away good on you, you should be proud of your loyalty and knowing that ownership means something.

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growing up

When people ask me about my childhood i answer that it was complicated which is true, i grew up working hard for everything i got had a shitty older sister (which i've blogged about previously) but when i think about my childhood one memory comes to mind. I was young probably 7 i don't remember exactly but it was when i was way into a bugs life. it was christmas time and my parents couldn't afford it to do anything for us. Now being broke we weren't exactly spoiled kids so we prepared ourselves to wake up christmas morning to nothing but a family breakfast, instead we woke up to one of the best christmases i could remember. Now i'm sure your probably wondering how it happened, so were we apparently my parents had waited until we went to bed for days before and found a radio station that let them work to earn their daughters a christmas. at that point my mother was schooling us during the day and secretly working at night with my dad to bring us a christmas. When we asked they just told us that god brought us a miracle i suppose they didn't want us to feel guilty that they had busted their asses to help us out, our sister in law accidentally let it slip that week and that's how i knew what my parents did for us.

That is what good parents do, now i'm not saying my parents were perfect we have our issues and they made their mistakes (their human beings expecting perfection out of imperfect creatures is like expecting a man to give birth that shit just aint gonna happen) but in the end if the one thing you associate with growing up is the massive sacrifice they did to make you smile then i'd say you have some pretty damned good parents my dad worked all day then worked all night my mom taught us all day then worked all night and i'd say that makes them pretty great.

My family as you know has been going through some stuff with my sister pulling her BS out of her ass again, but even when my mom takes it out on me and even when she's bitchy for no reason (probably cause she's annoyed i'm taking care of her :P) i can still look at her a see the sacrifice both of my parents made for me throughout my life both in material and emotional ways and they probably never know how appreciative i am. probably because i tend to be a drama queen bitch with anger issues but they put up with me and i might bitch about taking care of the farm or other shit but in the end i know i'm lucky, i didn't grow up with parents that beat me or sexually abused me or abandoned me to do things for themselves and for that i'm enternally grateful now back to your uninterrupted non mushy blog reading lol.

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