November the month of me!

As many of you know my birthday is November 28th I'll be turning 21, but what many of you don't know is i freaking hate my birthday it falls either on or around thanksgiving so my birthday gets lost in the shuffle sometimes even forgotten by my family so i'm turning the whole month of November into a tribute contest where the top three will get super secret special prizes.I'm currently only taking venmo paypal or amazon e gift cards as tribute and i'm currently saving up for a bed on amazon hint hint i'll be posting reminders and might just give hints as to what the rewards will be as well make my 21st birthday a happy one the contest starts today and ends at the end of November i do also have the following positions open

Nail bitch: the position requires a minimum tribute of 50$ a, week via venmo to get my and my mothers nails done. 

Shoe slave: shoe slave is required to buy a minimum of one pair of shoes off my sore wishlist a week (initial tribute to be, sent in a,e gc to prove your serious) 

Lingerie slut: your job is to keep me in lingerie and corsets. At least one item a, week 

Hair bitch: I like constantly changing my hair so you'd pay for my upkeep via Amazon. 

Sissy bitch: of love a new sissy to dress up like my human doll

Wax pet: 110$ a month via venmo for my legs and brazilian wax the sub who takes on this task will get to see picture rewards 

Misc slaves I have several open positions for slaves that would tribute for misc items. 

who's really stronger

He had thought he was tough shit, he had seen her fetish wrestling videos and thought to himself i could take her it's all staged anyway, the guys must let her win and when she wrestled girls well girls are easy to beat. She hadn't known he wasn't a sub when he had setup a session with her he had made sure of that. What he hadn't known is she read him like a book and she fully intended to make him her bitch. He walked into her wrestling space greeting were exchanged she was smaller than him which he'd thought had given him an advantage he was struck by her beauty though he inwardly thought theres no way this woman can take me but it'll be fun to toy with and wrestle and sexy woman was it worth the money he'd paid out? he supposed time would tell.

"Do you need a referee or should i just make you say uncle?" she said with a smirk. "Yeah just try to make me say uncle" he said with a cocky tone which suggested he didn't believe she could do anything against him he had at least 40 pounds and 4 inches on her. Before he knew it she had him on his ass on the mat she had used his own weight against him to flip him he laid there stunned as she stood there smirking at him had she really just knocked him on his ass without so much as a flinch? he was impressed but wondered if it was just a fluke.

he tried to trip her and she let him, she was toying with him thinking that she could break him harder if he thought he stood a chance. he pinned her and started laughing, before he could get more than a chuckle out she had him in a headlock between her thighs he was finding himself oddly turned on by how strong she was, he was also finding himself having a hard time to breath between her thighs. He struggled and managed to get loose before being flipped again with the wind knocked out of him he laid on his stomach only for her to straddle him pulling his arm behind him up towards his shoulder. He cried out in pain and she giggled, "say uncle" she said sweetly and she yanked his arm further into the awkward position making him whimper he struggled against her to no avail she had him right where she wanted him. "Say uncle or i'll break it" she said and yanked again he screamed out the word uncle feeling completely emasculated and weak almost near tears she hadn't loosened her gripe yet though "hmm now say your a weak little pussy boy who got beatup by a girl" she said with a sinister smirk. he repeated what she wanted then began to cry thats when she let him loose.

she stood before him he was still panting on the mat "You arrogance in your size and strength is what put you where you are, you came here thinking you could take me i came here knowing i could teach you some respect" she said looking down at him. Even after all the pain and humiliation he still found himself hard for her he crawled over to her and kissed her feet looking up to her with tears in his eyes "how may i serve you goddess?" he asked looking at her with great admiration "you are a true woman and goddess i was wrong to think otherwise".

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Bedroom/Household http://amzn.com/w/2NVEC8154IUGR
Books http://amzn.com/w/VRT6Q9LVCZVF
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Corsets http://amzn.com/w/382SW2CV96T0V
Cosmetics http://amzn.com/w/3OZANY2N67DIL
Fetishwear http://amzn.com/w/3JDXKP0H9AYWH
Jewelry http://amzn.com/w/1JQFDD7GBGJMO
Lingerie http://amzn.com/w/36YH8JPBTZ0WM
Pet http://amzn.com/w/16AX8WPPQ05KL
Shoes http://amzn.com/w/TSHJ25M1KPKJ
Snacks/Candy http://amzn.com/w/1G0J2RET5M8PN
Toys/BDSM http://amzn.com/w/2VYEF103IK9LZ
Video games/Electronics http://amzn.com/w/2Z4UBRMTJIP3L
Wigs http://amzn.com/w/1XEG27BG0FRR0

my venmo

https://venmo.com/i/lolitalee.s1k.cog

my pets fantasy

another fantasy from a sub this one i refer to as my pet

Lolita's Pet fantasy

My fantasy is to be invited to a domme's house on a Friday night.

When I enter I'm told to strip as I won't need clothes for the rest of the weekend and assume a kneeling position. The domme walks around me and sizes me up. She informs me that I control my destiny if I choose to orgasm I will be escorted out to my car still nude and told to leave and never contact her again or I can suffer and stay as long as I desire. At the end of the weekend I will have to make a life changing choice. The domme leads me down to her dungeon and ties me down to a table so that she can poke and prod and inspect me. Next, I'm led to a stockade and secured and then given an enema to clean me out good. Of course she teases my cock, nipples and pulls on my balls at will. Eventually I am allowed to expel. Once i'm cleaned out my ass is lubed good and a large powerful vibrator is inserted. I am tied down to a table on my back and Estim is hooked up to my cock and balls. It is set to shock me strongly for 20 seconds every two minutes. I am blindfolded and told to get some rest as she laughs and walks away.

The domme retrieves me the next morning and takes me up to her bedroom where I proceed to bathe her and give her a manicure and pedicure and also shaving her legs and mouth watering pussy. I am then cleaned up so I can be presentable to her domme friends. I was dressed in silk panties and miniskirt. I was then led to a room where her friends were gathered. They admired my outfit then in turn each domme kicked me in the balls and then had me service them orally.

After they had been satisfied and left the domme had her fun with me. I worshiped her body and pleased her multiple times. Then she tied up my cock and balls very tightly and then placed several condoms on my cock. She handcuffed me to her bed and then proceeded to ride my cock. It felt so good but never quite enough to trigger an orgasm. After she orgasmed she straddled my face to clean her up. Then back on my cock for another round. She orgasmed a few more times as I became soaked pool of sweat. She saw that I was dehydrated and proceeded to straddle my face again. She told me to drink her golden nectar to replenish my fluids which I reluctantly choked down. I was taken back down to the dungeon for the night, secured and ass lubed for vibrator insertion and Estim hooked up.

Sunday morning finally arrived and once again I was led to the domme's bedroom to pamper and bather her. My cock ached badly and was so hard that it was almost unbearable. The domme sat me down and looked me in the eyes and spoke. You are now faced with a choice. You can leave now and never return or be placed in a chasity device and allowed to stay and serve her for as long as choose.
It required a few minutes to think through but I chose to be chastised so that I could continue to serve and please the domme.

The end

fantasy from one of my subs

as you know i often take the time to post my subs fantasies that i like in particular this is from my newest sub.

A fantasy of being with Mistress Coldbloodeddomme:-
I heard the call and crawled to my Mistress immediately. Unless told otherwise I must always be on my hands and knees in her presence. Mistress is only 1" taller than me but has such an imposing voluptuous figure that even when I'm allowed to stand I feel like a small child when she's close to me. Mistress may be less than half my age but there is no doubting who is in control!
I entered the room. Mistress ordered me to remove her boots whilst she laid back in a comfortable armchair. Mistresses boots were a splendid pair of soft black leather which went up to just below the knee. I fumbled with the laces and Mistress told me to quicken up and not be so clumsy. Eventually both boots were off and I carefully placed them to one side. I then returned to my Mistress. I knew the drill.
I slid underneath the chair until my bottom half had disappeared and only my torso was visible. Once in positon I received the order to massage Mistresses feet. I took a foot in each hand and started to carefully yet firmly squeeze and rub her feet. They were only inches above my face and I had a great close up view. They were shapely and although they looked so delicate I knew only too well they could be used to punish. I carefully worked my way round the red nailed toes giving each one equal attention. My thumbs then worked at her soles whilst my fingers stroked the tops of her feet. I could sense Mistress was pleased with my work and if she was happpy then I was too.
Mistress then decided that both hands should be used on each foot in turn. I went to work on the right foot, one hand caressing her heel the other working on the toes and front of the foot. Mistress placed her left foot on my face, her heel on my chin and her toes almost covering my eyes. I was working through touch alone as I could hardly see anything. Mistress laughed at my predicament and rubbed her foot to and fro over my face. My goatee beard made her laugh louder as it tickled her. Mistress then made me swap over and my hands began to go to work on her left foot. I felt the toes of her right foot push against my lips and I kissed them and brought out my tongue to lick her sole. Mistress orderd me to open my mouth wider. I was expecting to be told to suck her toes but Mistress gradually pushed her foot into my mouth until about half of it was inside. I began to panic as I felt like choking. Mistress orderd me to continue with the massage. I could feel her toes wriggling around inside my mouth and heard Mistress ask if I liked being deep throated by her foot. Of course I couldn't answer and just nodded my head as much as I was able. Mistress thought it highly amusing.
After what seemed like ages Mistress removed her foot and I let out a loud gasp. Mistress told me to never forget who was in charge. To illustrate her power over me, (literally), Mistress rose and placed a foot firmly on my bare chest I could feel it's strength as she pushed down. She then placed the other foot on to my neck and gently but firmly pushed down a little. I was helpless, pinned to the floor beneath a pair of shapely yet powerful legs. Mistress adopted a couple of poses all the while smiling down at my helpless state. It was a devasting show of domination! Mistress had broken in horses far stronger than I was and enjoyed demonstrating her superior strength. I was in awe! From where I was lying she looked like a giant!
Mistress asked me whether I enjoyed worshipping my Goddess. Even if I wasn't being trampled into the carpet there could only ever be one answer to that question!

deep in my personal feelings

Normally I don't delve this deep into my personal life in public as I'm doing, but I think it may prove cathartic to do so, given all the recent events in my life. This is going to be less about me as a Domme and more about me as a person. The real Lolita. (not really my real name but I give it out to few as I've had stalkers, which is no fun) This year has been an exceedingly tough one. I've gained and lost so much that my world seems ever changing, and as of late, in the worst way possible.

The beginning of the year my family took in my sister once again. To say my relationship with my sister is complicated is an understatement. When my sister turned 18 she ran off with a man she met on the internet, who she had known for 2 weeks, telling everyone I was a lesbian trying to rape her, getting physically violent with my mother etc. Well after 3 years of physical abuse from this man, she returned home only to burn my family once again. She met a man and they stayed together for a year. He hit her, so in December she moved back in. At first all was fine, especially given that she was shell shocked over her breakup. She moved onto dating others, even began an interest in bdsm, specifically findomme. I offered to take her under my wing and mentor her. Bad idea. Soon, she got back with her ex and was trying to convince my parents, who know all about my kink life etc, that i was a cam girl, that I was doing illegal things like prostitution etc. So I ended up having to defend myself. In the end they believed me and I didn't get kicked out.

Well that day she moved out, later fighting with my mom trying to get her committed. (now my mother isn't the best in the world. I did have childhood abuse, but she didn't deserve that. But getting into that would most likely require a small novel) All of that happened around the time that the 1 year anniversary of my grandma dying happened, so it gave my mother extra stress.

In February I had broken up with my boyfriend, or rather he left me, due to fear of commitment, and communication issues. During that period he and I stayed friends and both dated other people. Our friendship was hard to stay like friends, as we're like magnets for each other, so before long we got back together. But through my dating I had met a friend, who became my best friend, and ended up dating my sister instead of me until she left him for her ex. In the end, my boyfriend asked for me back and we now wear each others promise rings. Well after a while my friend ,"F", got kicked out. Actually his step dad punched him, so my family took him in. Since he wasn't working we told him he could be a ranch hand, to live their for free, all expenses included. Ugh bad idea. He hardly ever did the work, when he did, he did it half-assed. He took advantage of everything, constantly lied, hit part of our archway in our driveway with his truck, and one day randomly moved out to move back in with his mom. Well because of his immature behavior he got kicked out once again, only this time my door wasn't sitting there waiting open for him, so he moved back to his home state supposedly, though we've been told that he has still been seen here. Most likely another lie on his part. They come, they go, such is life.

"A" was my friend, she had been since my old role player days back when I ran my own role player website (yes folks your in the presence of a nerd queen). So I had known her since i was about 14 and she was 13. She'd always had depression problems, was a quiet bookish girl, but had a great sense of humor and was a very sweet girl. This year she moved back in with her mom because she was having issues. She wouldn't talk about it very much, and the last months of her life pretty much got closed off to everyone, which makes me often wonder if she hadn't done it on purpose? You see, what I didn't know is the reason she moved back to her moms was she had gotten addicted to heroin and had a major problem. I never would've guessed, in all honesty, I guess she was just a good actress. Her mom came home from work to find she'd overdosed. The paramedics were unable to revive her on the scene. I miss her dearly and I hope wherever she is she's not sad anymore.

"J" was like a grandpa to me when we were first starting our farm out here in Colorado. He showed up at my house to tell us what beautiful horses we had. He was a good ole boy and I loved him like I loved my own papa. (my papa on my moms side died is 2001 so i'd had a empty space for years that he had kinda filled) He was always giving me big tight squeeze hugs, picking on me for my tattoos and piercing, he even tried to set me up with one of his sons once. He was the type of man who would give you the shirt off his back if he could. I loved sitting and listening to his stories, and even though he was half deaf he was the biggest sweetheart. Early in the year he started having health problems. Doctors thought it was cancer. He started selling off all his valuables in case he died. When he started getting better (it wasn't cancer) everyone was relieved. He was back to his normal vibrant self till he had a small stroke. They flew him up to a Denver hospital, and sedated him. (he didn't want to stay in the hospital, the stubborn old man he was, every time they didn't sedate him he kept trying to leave) Within a week of his small stroke he had a massive one and died that same night. He was 79 or 82, depending on who you asked, him or his wife. I tend to lean towards his wife's assessment of 82, as he was the type to have lied about his age. He was a good man, and in a way, I'm glad he's at rest so that no one would have to take care of him, he wouldn't want that.

"E", the most recent sub, was one of my first subs. He was actually a switch. He had a sub who would eventually become his wife who was also my sub. I dommed them both and he dommed her. Once they got married, they stopped serving me to focus on their marriage and we all stayed friends. He had the sickest sense of humor ever, which matched mine. We'd spend long periods of times exchanging dead baby jokes and abortion jokes. (yes i have a morbid sense of humor) Last night, well early morning depending on how you look at it, I got a call from his wife he had gotten jack knifed at an intersection and was in a medically induced coma with severe damage and a good chance of moderate to severe brain damage and would need at least 4 surgeries if he made it, which it wasn't looking good. This morning I woke up to feed horses, my usual routine, checked my phone, she had texted me when I was sleeping that he had passed away. He was a good man. I'll miss him and i feel terrible for his wife losing him so abruptly.

Honesty is one of the biggest, most important qualities I look for in subs. I don't believe in dishonesty in anyone. I hate lying and liars in general. I've been known to get very close to my subs over time. One sub in particular, (who I wont blacklist and lower to his level) I'll just call him "C". He and I were friends who played occasionally and eventually developed a serving relationship where he was being owned by me. Well, within weeks of it, he decided to ditch out. Anyone who is owned by me knows if their dismissed or released they give a final tribute as part of our agreement of them serving, so when he released himself without permission he was taxed for his final tribute. He was reluctant as always and disappeared for a couple weeks before reappearing to tribute his final tribute, but wanted to continue a playful relationship. I told him that was fine but he couldn't keep taking off when he owed me tribute, and that he would be treated once again as a fly by night sub, instead of a regulated weekly tribute that owned subs get, because he lost his ownership privileges. The last 3 times he was supposed to tribute he's lied, always coming back to tell me how much he needs me etc, but I've told him until he sends what he owes he has no honor in my eyes anymore and that he shouldn't bother contacting me until he has plans to keep his word, because I detest liars. He's contacted me today, even after I told him I had lost a friend and didn't feel like playing games he still persisted until i finally shooed him away. My current assessment is that he's a fetish boy who enjoys the rush but doesn't give half a shit about me, and is a pathological liar. Liars are scumbags who are lower than low in my opinion. The lowest sub in the world is higher than the most dominant liar in my opinion, because liars tend to show their true selves as being weak.

In the long run I guess it comes down to why do good people end up dying and bad people are allowed to keep hurting? Life is tough and I'm not complaining, I'm just opening up.
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Jewelry http://amzn.com/w/1JQFDD7GBGJMO
Lingerie http://amzn.com/w/36YH8JPBTZ0WM
Pet http://amzn.com/w/16AX8WPPQ05KL
Shoes http://amzn.com/w/TSHJ25M1KPKJ
Snacks/Candy http://amzn.com/w/1G0J2RET5M8PN
Toys/BDSM http://amzn.com/w/2VYEF103IK9LZ
Video games/Electronics http://amzn.com/w/2Z4UBRMTJIP3L
Wigs http://amzn.com/w/1XEG27BG0FRR0

my venmo

https://venmo.com/i/lolitalee.s1k.cog

Farm Tails part 2

It had been a couple weeks since we last visited the little farm of slaves and by this point our boy had been well broken in, for both inside and outside work. He was beaten regularly always leaving a nice pink glow on his ass as thats what his Mistress liked was to keep a nice glow constantly on the asses of her pets it reminded them of their place whilst keeping her entertained some nights she had her subs switch on each other and spank one enough as she sat silently watching appraising their skills with the palm of a hand or a whip quietly rewarding those who'd done well and punishing those who'd failed miserably. She always put all of her subs through their paces and had broken her new stallion quite well he worked from home making money fror her to spend lucky if he got ramen in his dog dish at her whims while she was eating steak. She had decided after his evaluation that he'd be a great all around pet which was a rarity for her pets as they typically were good for one thing in particular or another not everything at once.

He spent his mornings dressed in a full out maid costume cleaning her house her having a bullwhip in hand to quicken his pace making him handwash dishes on hands and knees on her cold tile floor a dogs choke collar about his neck with a little glittering charm on in that was his dog tag it simply said his name and if he was lost to call the number like he was a regular dog and some days he was her little puppy. After he did his inside chores he was usually put out for hard labor with the slaves that were condemned outside to make sure his ego was kept in check his chastity device gleamed in the daylight sun he hadn't been allowed to have any pleasure since the night he first came to the farm though he had pleasured his Goddess many times he was beginning to become desperate with his need for release but that hadn't phased her in the slightest she wasn't ready for him to break free from his bondage to get his release it was also partially her testing his limits and his obedience to see what he could and couldn't take.

For all the male posturing the male slaves had always done from time to time they were always fairly easy to break especially after she had them firmly by the cock for teach them the ways of making her happy. After the day was done he was able to come in and be her puppy the sun had left it's mark on his skin bringing a darker color to it and a warmer look overall to his appearance. He was right where she wanted him obedient without fighting her easy as pie as she would say as a smirk spread across her face. She knelt beside her pet as he ate his dinner from his dog bowl petting and caressing his naked form, at this he stopped eating to look up a her and begin licking her feet like a real dog because he knew that was what she had come to expect from him that he was her real dog as he continued nuzzling and licking her feet she pulled the chastity key from her necklace and removed the device and set it aside he was hard as rock instantly at her touching him he caressed her feet with his tongue almost symbiotically for if he were caressing the place between her thighs with his tongue her hand slipped to his swollen cock and within a matter of seconds he had his release she brought her hand where he had spilled his seed into her hand to his face and he began to lap up his own cum.

The first time he had done this in his life and it was met with a mixture of disgust at drinking up his own bodily fluids and exhilaration just simply to have had a release and that his life was so simple with his choices removed all he had was her and that was all he needed. After his release his device was returned to it's rightful place something that he had come to find as partially a relief as he felt more naked without it and also with sadness because he knew it'd be a while before that key went into the lock again but he put his own sadness aside to make her proud of him he wanted only her happiness and for her to have pride in him. He went about the nightly routine of bathing his lady while toweling her off after her bath he found himself facing her womanhood which was usual for him but what wasn't usual was that he had been so sexually charged during his release that he felt like a horny teen everything was sexual to him so seeing her lips without thinking he pressed his lips firmly between her legs and planted a kiss and she didn't stop him he flinched slightly expecting to be struck for disobedience but found no such action being taken so he took it as the green light and went to town.

He buried his face between her legs the moisture the smell the softness of her skin and the quiet moans he couldn't get enough it was almost a sensory overload she had allowed this once before but it was usually a rare case. she pushed him onto the floor and he found her straddling his face a feeling that he found oddly comforting as she rode his tongue to climax. Afterwards where she would usually put him in his kennel as he had become accustomed to she made him a place at the end of her bed she looked at him for a brief moment as if thinking and then simply said "I think tomorrow we're taking you to the dog park" she said which raised a sense of curiosity and fear in him.

To be continued?

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Bedroom/Household http://amzn.com/w/2NVEC8154IUGR
Books http://amzn.com/w/VRT6Q9LVCZVF
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Corsets http://amzn.com/w/382SW2CV96T0V
Cosmetics http://amzn.com/w/3OZANY2N67DIL
Fetishwear http://amzn.com/w/3JDXKP0H9AYWH
Jewelry http://amzn.com/w/1JQFDD7GBGJMO
Lingerie http://amzn.com/w/36YH8JPBTZ0WM
Pet http://amzn.com/w/16AX8WPPQ05KL
Shoes http://amzn.com/w/TSHJ25M1KPKJ
Snacks/Candy http://amzn.com/w/1G0J2RET5M8PN
Toys/BDSM http://amzn.com/w/2VYEF103IK9LZ
Video games/Electronics http://amzn.com/w/2Z4UBRMTJIP3L
Wigs http://amzn.com/w/1XEG27BG0FRR0

my venmo

https://venmo.com/i/lolitalee.s1k.cog

buyers remorse for subs?

I've been curious if subs ever get buyers remorse after a tribute i've met a few that did but typically there was something a little off about them. So heres my question to all the true blue subbies out here would love to have my own subs chime in as well actually do you ever regret a tribute afterwards and wonder if you shouldn't have spent the money elsewhere etc (not to say the ladies aren't the best possible thing to spend it on it's more of a curiosity that was piqued from other conversations i still think we're the best place for your money)

I think it's natural sometimes after a big purchase to ask yourself did i really need this? but do you do it with your dommes as well? what feelings do you get after a tribute? some have said it can be a rush and or an addictive feeling but do you ever feel negatively towards it?

This blog of questions was brought upon by a sub recently who i've played with on and off for a while a few hours after tribute saying he's going to start getting psychiatric help for his addictiveness towards findom saying that the fetish and sites which promote it are toxic to the subs mind making it where he can only get off with tribute being spent.

Now i personally somehow doubt that because i've seen many subs over the years be able to get off no matter how much tribute was given or how frequently etc. I don't personally view this fetish as a way to ruin a person but it seems some subs do or have been ruined by it do you think only weak subs are ruined by the fetish or something was innately wrong in the situation or maybe you felt a moments fleeting regret that passed when you saw your dommes happiness? i'd genuinely like to know i welcome input from dommes as well but it's mostly a question posed to the subs

Accessories http://amzn.com/w/18VW26OOMUCRA
Bedroom/Household http://amzn.com/w/2NVEC8154IUGR
Books http://amzn.com/w/VRT6Q9LVCZVF
Clothes http://amzn.com/w/1MT8AYGE85ZIF
Corsets http://amzn.com/w/382SW2CV96T0V
Cosmetics http://amzn.com/w/3OZANY2N67DIL
Fetishwear http://amzn.com/w/3JDXKP0H9AYWH
Jewelry http://amzn.com/w/1JQFDD7GBGJMO
Lingerie http://amzn.com/w/36YH8JPBTZ0WM
Pet http://amzn.com/w/16AX8WPPQ05KL
Shoes http://amzn.com/w/TSHJ25M1KPKJ
Snacks/Candy http://amzn.com/w/1G0J2RET5M8PN
Toys/BDSM http://amzn.com/w/2VYEF103IK9LZ
Video games/Electronics http://amzn.com/w/2Z4UBRMTJIP3L
Wigs http://amzn.com/w/1XEG27BG0FRR0

my venmo

https://venmo.com/i/lolitalee.s1k.cog

Cocktail party from heaven or hell?

This is based off a dream i had and isn't really a story as much as a description of a dream i had which either means i've been hanging around findoms too much or too little ;) okay so maybe it's a bit of a story :)

All the ladies were there dressed to the nines all the slaves were in various stages of undress and well scenes were to be had all about the house having scenes and cocktails it was the first annual findoms cocktail hour and i was hosting it for everyone at my family farm there was miss Brittany with her little lovely girl piggie laying at her feet as she sipped a cocktail the time waster and fake subs were all lined up in stockades blindfolded and naked as well as a certain woman who was bound to be trouble ;) we left them there in their little corner being ignored every once in a while they'd be used in a scene if a domme wanted her sub to try a forced bi scene but otherwise was left wanton in the corner ignored.

Goddess bella donna of course had a gaggle of subs surrounding her waiting on her every need and some younger dommes in which she was tutoring in the ways of findom. Keekee and i were side by side both in boots her sub worshiping her boots and my aussie bitchy boy worshiping mine as we caught up and conversed over time i had taken my little aussie bitch boy for a session with a strapon leaving keekee to her pets and me to mine

miss Femmes was over in the corner with a flogger making a boy squeel like a pig while others laughed on of course all the scenes were being recorded just in case a little bit of blackmail was required but in most cases all the boys were being dutiful toy4goddess was following his Lady around on hands and knees doing her bidding fetching drinks when required and when not in use sitting by her feet licking them clean like a dog.

domina diamond and i decided to make a little horse race as we were both horse women we decided to use our subs as horses saddling them up and going a bit for a race tuckering out our subs and ending up giggling at them in the end.

By the end of the party new fetishes were tried friends had been made and thousands upon thousands of dollars were spent on the ladies some subs ended up branded or tattooed to show loyalty to their ladies and everyone left the party feeling happy and enriched except for the naughty subs in the corner and the lady who was bound to be trouble ;)

Farm Tails part1

Life on the quaint little 36 acre horse farm was sunny calm and soothing a relaxing life for a domme that while filled with work to maintain was also filled with reward. She was getting a new boy in today a concept that she enjoyed greatly it'd been a bit since she'd had a new toy to break in she hadn't decided yet if he was going to be her outside pony her inside slave or a mixture of both today would be his evaluation. All the boys wanted to be the inside slaves the play was less intense the work was easier and they were in her presence more which is why she was very particular about who got the right to be her inside toys. He arrived a decent stature of a man about six foot which was her height in heels dark hair light eyes relatively muscled enough to be either a inside or outside toy. She leashed him walking him over to the cross ties and tying him their by either side of his neck so he had to stand in place nude in the mid day sun. She slowly examined him riding crop in hand in case he decided to be spirited she'd dealt with spirited before and could easily bring him to his knees if need be. She pinched his nipples twisting them between her thumb and forefinger making him wince a bit all the while making his nipples hard he liked the pain which made her smirk and dig her fingernails into his flesh of his hardened nipples a bit, with a chuckle she pulled her hands away from his tender nipples and placing nipple clamps on them instead much to his dismay.

She examined his soft penis small and vulnerable in the harsh daylight open to absolutely anything she could come up with but she decided to leave his pathetic cock be for the moment and move along to other areas of interest. she turned to his backside giving his ass a swift swat with the riding crop to make him squirm. "sit still or that'll be nothing compared to what will be in store for you" she said with a calm yet firm tone. "Yes goddess" he said with a tone of undiluted adoration. She placed a ring gag in his mouth with attached reigns and unhooked him from the cross ties putting him to his knees then bending him where he was on all fours his drool dropping from his gagged mouth leaving droplets of drool in the sand. She firmly pushed a tailed butt plug into him making him feel humiliated like a animal and full like a bitch.

She mounted her new ponyboy guiding him about with the reigns if he didn't turn promptly enough or if he was too slow for her liking she'd swat him a time or two with her crop occasionally digging her five inch heels into his sides to really put a hitch in his giddyup after a while of her riding him she dismounted leading him over to her round pen which was used for the training of horses she tied the reigns behind his head like she would a horse so he knew and felt them there but they wouldn't get in the way of his lunging. She got her lunge whip out of her tack room and he was noticeably shaken by the size of the whip she could see the terror in his eyes much like an unbroke stallion. She walked over running her red fingernails across his cheek talking to him in a soothing voice "i wont hurt you at least not anything too permanent you know this comply and you'll be rewarded disobey and you sleep with the horses tonight" she said cracking the whip on his ass leaving a red welt immediately setting him into motion she'd occasionally call out trot walk canter or run as she cracked the whip occasionally switching his direction like a horse.

By the time she'd put away the lunge whip he was drenched in sweat and crying "No tears" she said without much pity as she removed his gag he stretched his mouth feeling sore there from having the ring gag in for so long it was still no comparison to his whipped and welted ass and back he would later come to call those his love marks as she was always particularly more 'playful' to the subs she liked best. She brought him inside and had subs all about her house doing chores spreader bars between legs so they could only crawl or walk on all fours like animals reddened ass cheeks all around some were gagged others mouths were free to their own devices. He was amazed as the other faces looked up at him with curiosity some with lust others with disdain at the thought of sharing their Mistress with yet another.

She had one of her ungagged male slaves bathe him while she sat there quietly waiting. "you were good for the most part today" she said motioning to the sub who had bathed him to get on his knees and bring his cock into his mouth, the sub was surprised to find himself getting hard at another mans sucking of his cock he didn't know if it was because he was so sexually frustrated or that it simply gave her pleasure he had never considered himself bisexual before but here he was with a man sucking his cock having a hard time keeping himself from cumming then and there as she watched "Mistress please" he begged knowing that she knew what it was he wanted and knowing she wouldn't be so simple about things. "Be more precise in your question pet" she replied more than a little amused "Goddess please let me cum into his mouth" he begged feeling the flush of humiliation not sure if he was going to cry again oh but it felt so good. "Very well you may" she said and as soon as she gave the permission he erupted into the other slaves mouth imagining touching her imaging that his face was buried between her thighs.

After he cleaned himself up she stuck him into a large wire dog kennel for the night giving him food and water in a dog bowl. "rest up tomorrow you'll really be proving yourself" she said walking away leaving him for another day to think about what his future held, what did he get himself into? he was filled with fear excitement and a almost content feeling of being a will less slave to his Goddess.

(to be continued)

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Ownership

I'll preface this by saying this is most likely going to piss some people off but as i've been blogging for a while now and have written some posts that have already pissed some people off might as well. To me ownership is not a right of a sub it's something that is earned just because a sub gives tribute doesn't mean he automatically should be owned think of it this way your owned slaves represent you as a domme if they poorly represent you then it makes you look bad. If you barely know someone and automatically slap that metaphorical collar on them it can cause a ton of problems what if this sub is a slut and sluts around behind your back might make others think negatively about you. I guess i'm just coming from the old BDSM mind set of earning ones collar is a important step in the D/s relationship. I get it sometimes when we get big tributes we wanna lock that sucker down quick but the way i see it is they can be under consideration and prove themselves the same way that they can while owned without the prestige of the owned title.

If a sub is loyal he'll be loyal under consideration as much and by being owned because he's trying to prove worthiness of himself to you by showing he can be trained for respect honesty loyalty and obedience. When i find out another sub is under another dommes ownership or consideration and sluts by buying off my wishlist etc and i know who the domme is the first thing i do is tell them because i'd want the same if my sub was slutting around as well (because if i catch my subs slutting typically they get 86'd instantly do not pass go do not collect 100$ they are gone) on the other hand loyal subs (which i'm friends with quite a few loyal owned by other ladies subs you know who you are) will be loyal no matter what because they know that their domme is their domme and pleasing her becomes their world.

This to me is a big difference between the sluts and the loyal subs the loyal subs do things to please their domme the slut do things to please themselves seems the sluts want instant gratification whilst the loyal subs are trying to give their lady as much pleasure as they can. granted thats not to say i wont play with a unowned slut they can be amusing but i've learned over time what the sluts are and what the loyal subs are. I used to be the ownership right away girl but now i keep them under consideration for at least a month it helps them learn their place it keeps them from making me look crappy and it gives me a chance to learn the nuaces of their personalities as well as learn their whether their loyalties lie with themselves or me once again my opinion but just felt like writing about it.

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fantasy from my sub

So i tend to have my subs write out fantasies because one i think spending more time writing out their fantasies focused on me focuses their submission better secondly because i enjoy it and it amuses me. this is this newly owned subs first fantasy he gave me and i liked it so much i figured i'd share hopefully you guys enjoy it as much as i did.

The hotel lobby was intimidating, it felt to him that everyone knew him, knew his situation, his desperate needs and what was about to happen. He walked to the reception desk, gleaming in faux marble, with the young girl receptionist looking up as he approached, smiling, perfect white teeth and eyes exquisitely picked out by dark lines and maskara. Her slim figure outlined in a trim grey uniform. The wheels of the flight bag rumbled quietly behind him as he crossed the lobby.

He was nervous, she was knowing as he checked in, asking for a second room key to be kept behind reception. His credit card was swiped with quite cruel slowness and her voice seemed to echo around the vestibule.  He shook his head at the offer of a concierge with his flight bag, smiled his thanks fleetingly, eyes darting around.  She must know, mustn't she?  The thought excited him, stirring in his trousers. He was afraid to check if the thong was visible above his trousers, perhaps the tight trousers he was wearing outlined the thin lacy straps clinging to his hips, the tight strip of material parting his cheeks and the triangle of lace even now rubbing tantalisingly on his engorged flesh as he walked, a little stiffly given his state, to the lift.

The cold of the aircon in the ceiling by the lift reminded him that he was perspiring despite the cool of the lobby.

It took three attempts to get the right floor. The floor with the views to the mountains. The luxury She deserved and expected.  He could see his own pale and nervous state reflected in the smoked mirrors in the lifts. He hardly even noted the adverts for the gym, the restaurant, the bar. Eventually the lift dinged and he stepped out on to quiet luxury, soft and deep carpet, occasional lounge chairs and artwork dotting the corridor to the room. the decor was muted, tasteful. His flight bag moved behind him silently.

Inside there were floor to ceiling windows capturing the view, a well proportioned lounge with a suite facing the gorgeous vista, a kitchenette, a roomy bedroom with the king size bed, with the wooden frame and corner posts. He caressed the smooth phallicism of one of the posts, imagining which of his limbs would be secured just there all too soon.  The room was comfortably warm and he recognised his sudden shiver as a combination of anticipation, nervousness and a touch of terror.

Laying the bag on the stand provided, the zip startlingly loud in the quiet of the place he started removing the contents, laying them out in the bedroom and tying them to the four corners of the bed, the leather and fabric loops and closures lay on the pale bedding in stark contrast to the luxurious comfort. The laptop was logged on,  the crop and wallet placed close by.  Undressing, he lay out his fresh lingerie and put away his street clothes, hesitating before gently sliding the lace panties down his smooth stocking clad thighs, slowly and carefully, enjoying the feel of the material sliding down the hold up stockings and the way his inhibitions and anxiety calmed as he did so.  Naked now, he re-fastened the zip, took a look around to check that all was in place and headed for the shower.

A few minutes later he emerged, freshly scrubbed and a little pink, and sensuously slid the laid out black stockings up his legs, smoothing them high until the lace tops just tickled his testicles.  The black lace panties and top were next and he finished tying the top in a careful bow before moving to the fridge to fix Her drink.  He sat the chilled glass down, water droplets already obscuring the pale contents and assumed the position, kneeling, legs apart, head bowed and hands resting on thighs to await Her.

It wasn't long.

The door clicked open and even with his downcast eyes he had a view of Her long leather coat, black heeled boots cladding shapely, strong calves and a brief sweep of Her leg vanishing into the shadowed leather.  The door closed with a solidity and finality that spoke volumes to his addled mind at this point. He was overwhelmed with Her actual presence, the first sense of Her scent, Her sounds, the soft swish of the leather, the soft, firm sound of the boots on the floor as She slowly and elegantly stepped in to the room, Her imposing physical presence. Here. With him. Now.

He was overwhelmed, his mind trying to take it all in, what it meant, the memory, the experience, all piled on top of him. He stifled a small emotional sob as the tsunami rolled over him. And She had been here less than a minute.  As if sensing his turmoil, She walked around him, slowly, drawing the moment out, stringing his emotions along.  Her boots the only part of Her visible now. He was noticing the thin, almost stiletto heels, the delicate leather work on them the colour and odour of the leather. Not new certainly, but worn.

Walking behind him, out of his sight, he heard the movement as She explored the room, the deep chuckle, probably at his placement of the bonds on the bed.  The sounds of Her coat draping one of the loungers.  She returned to him, and he jerked at the caress of the riding crop on his naked back.

"Good evening, slave" She purred. her voice was like thick honey, sensual, sexy as hell. His cock jerked at the sound and it's effect. It could melt him.

As did his body at the caress of the riding crop over his back, with a little slap to his flank.

"Good evening Mistress" He was hoarse with nervous tension, anticipation, his throat dry. He swallowed.

"All as I instructed. Good boy!". He did melt at the compliment.

"Thank you Mistress" A little firmer, a little more confident.

"Now..." as She sat on the bed facing him, gently tapping Her left boot with the crop. "I think they are a little dusty, don't you?"

He crawled toward the indicated leather boot, noting that Her legs were bare to the tops of Her thighs, Her corset, in black and red, snug, not tight, to Her body.  Her legs were muscular, gorgeous, sexy. He inwardly groaned, imagining them, impossibly, around his body or head, squeezing, before bending hi head to the task at hand, starting at the very tip, his tongue lavishing his praise on the smooth leather at the tip, large swipes of his tongue capturing the flavour of the leather, the flint of the countryside and slight tones of salt. He inhaled deeply and the aroma crashed through his brain, erasing thought. It was indescribable. It was all of the flavours. Plus more. An earthiness perhaps? And a whole layer of Her.

Now he did groan out loud and he heard Her chuckle at his involuntary response and his body relaxing in to it's kneeling position as he pressed his tongue into the task.

"Gooood boy".  He loved those words and his world became totally focussed on the leather as She turned Her foot this way and that, ensuring he had access to every part of Her footware for his tongue. He knew he was entering sub space as he lavished attention on his task, his eyes closed in concentration and attention as She moved Her each foot in turn, enabling him to lavish attention on every square millimeter of the leather, both smooth and embossed, and moving towards Her bare knee until guided back down by the crop.  She finished each boot with the heel placed in to his mouth so he could clean each with a back and forth movement of his head, as though he was performing fellatio on Her heel.  He was lost in the experience and was almost surprised when She placed both  feet to the ground, looking around dazedly.

"You may look up"

The tableaux was delicious he was kneeling, in lingerie and clearly excited by his service yet captured by the black frilly lace. Vulnerable and captivated. She, powerful, sitting above him, legs crossed, boot gently rocking back and forth. He did not know where to look. Everywhere was a visual feast for him in his befuddled state. Her delightful curves caressed by the corset, the smooth skin of Her calves and thighs, the hypnotic motion of the oh so recently worshipped boot, Her bounteous breasts, almost offered for view by the corset, the cleavage alone capable of reducing men to abject obedience. And Her face. So youthful and lovely, her smooth skin offset by the rounded studs and Her hair by the fine wire earrings. her eyes captured him and he unashamedly stared, lost, adoring and hardly breathing as the moment went on and on.......

A small smile of satisfaction played over Her mouth.

"I think thats enough! Impertinent slave! On all fours!"  Her sharp words snapped him out of his adoration as She stood. He was looking down at Her boots now, the scent of Her, the leather and Her perfume again mingling in his brain as She stepped forward to secure his head between Her legs.   She squeezed slightly to make sure he was firmly held.

"Butt up" She commanded and he shifted, uncomfortably, so that his ass was now high, above his head, nicely held in Her legs. 

"I imagine you've dreamed of being between my legs, boy! Now you have your wish! Hahah" 

"Now how many do you deserve, slave?. Five? Ten? More?" She flicked the crop at his ass, a little sting, almost absently.   "Five i think. Count them slave." 

"Yes, Mistress" he said, somewhat muffled and struggling to offer his pert derrier for Her attention.

Smack! "One" he yelped.

"And what do you say?"

"Thank you Mistress. May i please have another?" "Goood boy!" Smack! She took Her time, carefully striking unreddened flesh every time, avoiding his panties stretched over his flesh so invitingly, so he would get the most benefit from his lesson - and She the most enjoyment from his pain and squirming.  He even begged for another after number five. She laughed, and gave him a friendly extra swipe across his flank.  Releasing his head She strode to slake He thirst after the exercise with the nicely chilled glass he had poured - exactly as instructed, She was pleased to notice. Perhaps this one was a keeper? She smiled to Herself and took another sip, enjoying the views both within the room and outside the window. The mountains were quite stunning today.

He was panting. Still on all fours. Not that the pain was extreme but the emotional effects and the sudden realisation that he did want more, that he was begging her for real churned through him, overturning many pre-conceptions. He had enjoyed the pain. And was still enjoying the fading sting but gathering heat of Her ministrations.

"Did you enjoy that my pet? I did. I like being wicked. But you know that. Now let's get you bound nice and tight to the bed. You are warm enough?"

"Yes Mistress". He crawled to the bed and on to it, following Her directions, given with the crop - little slaps and taps with his head at the base and his limbs spreadeagled and secured to the bonds at each corner

She stood, staring down at him - and he gazed adoringly back, prepared to accept anything so long as it was at the hands of his beautiful, powerful and ravishing Mistress.

"Now, what shall I do with you? " She mused.


to be continued........

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Books http://amzn.com/w/VRT6Q9LVCZVF
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Through the looking glass

When you look in the mirror what do you see? are you happy with who you are? do you consider yourself a good person? more importantly can you even look in the mirror? these are questions many people ask themselves on a daily basis for good reason. But do we always answer them honestly? i think sometimes we deceive ourselves by trying to convince ourselves that we're all do gooders, we're not not really even if just for a moment a brief fleeting second we think i want to see that person suffer or i want to see how far i can push this person before they break or even i'm going to lie to this person because it arouses me i've seen and heard all these things from the bdsm community (vanilla as well but if this was a vanilla blog that'd be a whole different story) and it's sad that we can all do that to fellow human beings. I chose the title through the looking glass for several reasons first it was the first real book i read cover to cover as a child and i have literally read my copy to tatters over the years (i've had this same book since i was 5 when my father used to read it to me) what resonated with me was the mirroring images the opposites, like if you look into the mirror is the person looking back the opposite version of yourself asking the opposite questions that you've asked yourself? i know thats a odd metaphor but in a way it describes the duality that people have in themselves.

Sometimes i wish i had a lie detector that i could attach to every person i talk to, as a domme we're often expected to be cold feelingless unable to get hurt basically, but when your training a new sub it's hard not to put emotions in it at least for me so when they disappoint they truly disappoint not because they fell below financial standards or anything but because they hurt you. (no this isn't about anything in particular just a purging of built up feelings) some take punishments and loyalty and are just wonderful and even when they fall short they are endearing because they TRY TO PLEASE and even if they fall short they still tried but the ones who keeps secrets lie cheat or are disloyal thats what hurts i've had subs make me feel like a dirty little secret on domination sites if you can't be proud of being under the consideration or ownership of you domme how can you pride yourself in your service? i pose this question to those of you who hide.

Sometimes i'm superficial sometimes it's amusing to see how far i can push a limit sometimes i'm angry and i've even had occasion to be bitter and cynical can you look through your mirror onto the other side and openly admit your faults? few people can and even fewer can to people they know they wouldn't want to disgrace their reputation or rid themselves of their mysterious allure or whatever reasons they may have i could turn this blog into a black list of all the negative people i've come across but why would i? life has a way of making things come out the way they should in the end. And in the end i might fall but i pick myself up i might cry but my tears dry in the end what doesn't kill me truly makes me stronger and as my father and papa would say it builds character.

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Books http://amzn.com/w/VRT6Q9LVCZVF
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tribute contest

So i am doing my first ever tribute contest yay me haha. the winner will get multiple rewards what are they you ask? well their a surprise there will also be second and third place rewards for whoever places second and third as well. the game is simple whoever in a two week period today june 28th till july 13th sends the most amounts of tribute (can be several smaller ones larger ones etc whoever makes up the largest amount over that time period wins and second and third place as well get rewards if the amount ties theres equal rewards for the winners)the rewards are things that are very special and usually only some subs ever get the chance to have (some of the rewards are things my own subs haven't gotten yet)

so heres how this works you message me (paypal or amazon GC only) saying your entering the contest and saying which way you'd like to tribute then after that you continue your tributes if you do more than one via either messaging me each time or leaving a note (in your amazon GC message section of note section of paypal) i keep a tally and then you get your rewards at the end of the two week period.

(i'm working on seperating my wishlists into seperate ones so bare with me)

insert wittiness here

My life has honestly been a lot like hell lately i just havent been up to talking about it much because in all honesty i'm not one of those touchy feely talk about my feelings too much types basically my parents got a judgement against them that they have 30 days to pay or they're screwed so my mom has decided to sell my puppy who as well as being my baby girl i've raised from the time she was 6 weeks old is also a huge investment i've put hundreds upon hundreds of dollars into as well as possibly selling some of my favorite horses and treating me like crap all the while. so it's been a hard time as of late for me coupled with the fact that last night i was huddled in a crawl space for 3 hours like a animal because we had a reverse 911 call due to tornados and i'm emotionally and physically exhausted anyone wanna buy a baby horse? haha.

i've also had to dismiss a lot of subs as of late for cheating lying etc the sort of things that as a dominant that puts all of her time and effort into bettering her subs it's painful and slightly heart breaking yes my subs tribute and some see that as prostitution well if your one of those please kindly step away from my blog. because i put time effort and emotional connections into my D/s relationships with my subs just because i don't have sex with them doesn't mean their isn't a bond between the two of us thats unique to us sure i have a sadistic streak but i can also be very affectionate and i just don't see why people stray whether in kink or not at first i'm mad but then i'm mostly hurt i guess thats probably because i don't believe in lying people always find that weird but truth be told it's why i don't hide my kink from my vanilla friends and family (the older family members of course not gonna talk kink with kids lol) i just don't get it when it's just so much easier to be honest why burn a bridge when you can simply say something isn't working for you anymore? furthermore why serve if you have no intention of actually following through?

I guess it all comes down to trying to be a good person being kinky doesn't make me evil it doesn't make me a slut or a prostitute it makes me a person with unique tastes just as my piercings and tattoos do and a lot of people think that being kinky makes you some kind of slut or bad person i think theres every type of slut and bad person out there from any group or race belonging to one or another doesn't mean anything but it does mean something when your judged for belonging to a particular group. I'm a 20 year old christian tattooed and pierced Bi-curious Dominant model who is secure in who i am i have curves but i'm by no means fat i have short hair but i'm by no means a guy i love myself and if you don't love me right back thats on you not me i forgive you anyway because i'm a rockstar like that.

as usual heres the link buy me pretty things Wishlist

short ramble post

Well last  sunday my meeting up with my potential sub fell through he got a stomach bug and couldn't meet up hopefully we'll be able to meet up in the near future as i'd really like a decent RT sub. There have been a lot of time wasters this week and family drama so i'm not exactly always rainbows and sunshine but you know thats life it has it's ups and downs. I took back at least in consideration stage a sub who decided to take off without discussion we'll see how it goes. I've come to the conclusion that there are very few finsubs on CM and more expect you to be a webcam girl sorry but i'm not a webcam girl don't like it fine there are plenty of cam girls.

I took the plunge on sunday cutting off all of my hair, mostly because of how badly my sister damaged it but it was nice having a change too kinda reminds me of being the 16 year old goth chick again i've been doing a lot of things that have reminded me of my youth lately skating having short hair stuff like that it's funny how so many things seem like they were a life time ago not even though they were just a few years ago i can only imagine what older people feel when going over old memories.

Not sure why but i've been all about second chances lately i wouldn't mind taking on new subs or anything like that lately but also rekindling older relationships with subs sometimes the familiar is awesome. As always heres my Wishlist i always like nice surprises so some surprises would be great and would make me smile.

Expectations

It's funny how I always get new messages of Fetlife and CM with the usual diatribe of "omg your so pretty hot i wanna lick/suck/touch insert random body part" heres the thing i'm a model i get paid for looking the way i do if i didn't i wouldn't get paid for shoots if your only messaging me to tell me i'm hot thanks but no thanks it's slightly irksome and makes me feel like jerk off material which just pisses me off. Conversely their are also the opposites who message me saying i'm a fatass ect if you don't like curves take a hike darling cause no one invited you or your opinion i have a waist thats a full ten inches smaller than my bust and hips (over 10 inches actually and i'm working on getting it to 20 inches but thats besides the point)  and i run 2 miles a day plus move around hay bales grain etc and a watch what i eat my body is a temple granted a temple decorated with tattoos and piercings but it's still a temple that i take care of (if you can't care for yourself how can you care for others?) it just amuses me how people who aren't brave enough to put up their own pictures are brave enough to shit talk my body i'm proud of the way i look and your just a joke to me when you are so insecure you gotta troll a stranger.

Also i've noticed a influx of Dominants viewing my CM profile which i find amusing cause i have no interest in anyone Dominant whatsoever so i am not sure if they see me as a challenge or if they just want to troll me too i rarely get messages from them anymore since i don't even read Dominant messages it doesn't really matter but i just found it slightly strange.

I've noticed subs from the past popping up in my life a lot lately thinking i must've forgotten them or that they could redeem themselves in some cases that can be true in most cases i either dropped you or you disappeared and that typically means your not easily forgiven it's not that i hold grudges (at least not always) but trust honesty and obedience are all very important to me given that i hold these values highly once trust and respect is damaged then the repairs take time to rebuild trust and respect especially if i feel betrayed hopefully this gives some insight into my mind.

I've also come up with some new fun tasks that i'll hopefully get to try out sometime soon. with a sub or two haha. I heard from my ex sub that i freed so he could find a local Mistress and he did he is still to this day one of my favorite subs and i'm so happy to see him happily serving his new Mistress i do miss him from time to time he never really said no gave me what i wanted without games and he could make me smile and blush like very few have done before or since, hopefully someday soon i'll find another sub who can bring me happiness and give me hope that not everyone has an agenda.

Remember at the end of the day pain is weakness leaving the body and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Wishlist as always make me feel like a princess <3

Out of the darkness and into the light

I seems that the last time i blogged i was in a bad space mentally getting back from there was difficult not impossible but not easy either. I am now once again in a relationship i reconciled with my ex he fixed his issues and i fixed mine now things are good again also after talking to some more subs i'm not as disheartened at some of the retardation of some people i just decided to not give into the battles and abuse given by people certain groups on fetlife mocking those funny messages i get also help. I'm happy for my life i get my stresses and havent been working as much lately but i'm overall happy.

I think the season could be a help i hate winter i feel stifled and closed in in the winter where in the warmer months i feel more active and free to do things like go hiking ride horses etc and i've always believed exorcize was a good mood stabilizer anyone who's served me for a longer period of time probably knows that as well.

so as always heres my wishlist

Stupid Stupid men

I'm getting entirely too tired of the idiotic men it's actually kinda comical how much of a joke they are. Theres the ever popular i tributed yeah right you think i wouldn't have figured out your lying your such a moron. Also to all you stupid people when you sign up on yahoo and use your real full name when you friend someone on there your full name shows up yeah imagine that everyone can see it so if your hiding from your wife or anything like that you might want to think about things like that before you get a hard on and go chasing women then freak out when i point that out and refuse to tribute yeah pissing me off when i was pointing out the obvious is soo intelligent.

So basically heres what happened this retard goes and messages me saying how much of a pay pig he is after i verify on cam he starts backing out like a little pussy and switching from being a asshole to sucking up to me what a moron if your so paranoid about your wife finding out you shouldn't put your full name to strangers then act like a jerkoff. coming off a a breakup guys treating me like crap doesn't make me a happy girl especially when i was trying to go to bed and you got me out of bed to waste my time then act like a dick yeah tends to cause pissed off blog entries.

The funny thing is how much i was able to mind fuck this guy like seriously i had him believing i was going to post his username full name town and state here so that his wife could find out it was funny to make him panic made me feel slightly better about having my time wasted but i don't like being used i'm not a total bitch and if i were his wife i wouldn't have wanted to find out my husbands a piece of shit over the internet so i'm not going to post his info but if he's gonna waste so much of my time i might as well make him squirm a little. I am sending him this link so he learns the lesson to be smarter and not lie i could have done all the things i told him i was going to do but maybe when he goes to bed with his loving wife tonight he might realize the risks he takes.

 i'm beginning to wonder if there are any good men left they lie use you or just take off trying to find someone worthwhile in a sub or in a relationship seems to be like trying to find a needle in a haystack i might've come off bitter this entry but i'm exhausted and it's been a long week and i just needing to rant about some of the bullshit going on with subs right now seems like their all liars and fakes i'm hoping someone will prove me wrong but at this point i'm unsure if thats going to happen or not.

as always heres the link to My wishlist it's been a rough couple of weeks gifts would make me feel better.

I joined CM and all i got was this stupid blog

When i was a little girl i'd collect caterpillars and feed them until the turned into pupa i had pupa all over my household in mason jars etc i often times collected them because i wanted to see what moths or butterflies they'd become. You see when i was younger i used to want to be a etymologist it was something i was obsessed over caterpillars was just simply one of my hobbies as a child, i think one of the reasons for my great interest in them though was metamorphosis. I've been thinking a lot lately in all thats been going on in my life lately with my life about metamorphosis how important it is on our journey through life only i believe people don't just have three states like a caterpillar but that people go through constant metamorphosis and i think it's important for growth and development, but conversely i often wonder if it's possible for a person to constantly grow with one person people grow apart take different paths grow disinterested not just in romantic lives but also in D/s relationships over the last few months i've gained subs and freed subs etc i just feel like sometimes life is overly complex and i miss the simple joys of watching other creatures grow up into their adult selves i think people often take youth for granted, i miss being the kid who had a kiddie pool that i bred frogs in and flooded our neighborhood with frogs other times i'm proud of who i've become as an adult.

I've been reading Marilyn Mansons book lately as well (or read it in two nights as i tend to do with books i enjoy) and the things that would have scared the 18 year old me in that book intrigued the 20 year old me who knows when i'm 25 i might be in a total different level of depravity or i might be a nun lol you never know with me i'm a extreme person. i've worked like a dog as of late since my mom broke her hip and it leaves me little time for writing these ramblings sometimes i wish i could automatically journal all of my random thoughts throughout the day so that it doesn't make it look frantic but i'm sure if ya'll got to see all of my thoughts you'd run away screaming.

the most interesting question i get asked fairly frequently from beginners and experienced kinksters alike is what my favorite kink is the truth is i don't have one (insert readers shocked face) because i'm constantly changing what i enjoy most people often say that not having a favorite is a cop out but in general why would i go to a buffet and only choose to eat steak when theres shrimp over there and ice cream and all sorts of variety granted i have my meat and potatoes kink and few limits but i think the saying variety is the spice of life is one of the most honest things i've heard in life.well i figured i'd write 2 journal entries for my thoughts but apparently my plans decided to change so instead of double post friday it'll be really long post friday.

I find it funny often times how people are in the lifestyle now not everyone but a lot of them either judge others kinks or have a elitist attitude over what makes someone dominant or submissive and what doesn't well i'm of the mind set that to each their own and what works for some might not work for others. Kink can be therapeutic i think people have a natural duality to them and most people fight the dark side but it seems like people into kin explore their darker sides flesh out what most people fear and find beauty in them. I've met people and experimented in things i never thought i would some weren't my kinks some became them but i find the dual sides people keep is interesting like the man who's alpha in his day to day life but wants nothing more than to kneel before a woman in the night, or conversely the southern girl who was raised in a religious family raised that a woman should be quiet polite and a good cook (if you havent figured out by now the second example is me and yes i am a good cook but i'm far from quiet) i have my beliefs in life and i know what i want people often assume because of my age my looks or something else that i'm not kinky enough not experienced enough or just not something enough but like beauty kink can be in the eye of the beholder.

Life like people is a complex web of everything melded together. i'm a little bit of eveything but in the bottom of everything i am me i'm a Domme i'm a southern girl a country girl with a goth side i'm a christian i'm a sinner i'm a fighter and i'm stronger than i look and tougher than i'm given credit for. i have my kinks and my limits i am a human being just like everyone else real fake or flake everyone at their core is a human being granted there are some human beings i don't want to socialize with but everyone has feelings and emotions getting to the root of that gives me a better respect for life it's why i don't send initial messages that are demanding commanding and bitchy i have that side to me but i am a human looking for other human interaction first cold blooded second i think if everyone felt the same there would be a lot less people who got their feelings injured but not everyone will think that way thats the beauty of the world different opinions and points of view.

I wish i could articulate my thoughts better but unfortunately a spot of ADD makes it difficult to stay on tangent i often find my best thoughts when i'm busying my hands cleaning or doing farm work it clears my mind enough to get my feelings and thoughts expressed but maybe it's better that i remain a mystery to everyone but myself, i find kinky people for the most part even if they fit in with society can feel like outcasts within their families their lives etc because they can't just openly say hey i'm kinky without judgment i have for the most part done this which didn't always mean kittens and rainbows sometimes it came with misunderstanding freak outs etc but now i feel more accepted. at the end of the day i'm me i'm everything good and everything bad that comes with being me i enjoy my life for what it is and i enjoy myself for what i am i might evolve and change over time but at the end of the day i am who i am and that person is kinky. I was going to title this blog entry from a maggot to a moth but thought the more sarcastic humor would be more amusing to people. as always heres my wishlist hopefully i didn't confuse the hell out of everyone i feel like this has become less blog more journal and a way to chronicle my feelings and express myself My wishlist

sadistic rant

Well when i decided to write this blog it was supposed to be a insight in my thought process and ramblings both the good the bad and the ugly well we'll see how well this post is received in comparison to my others. Tonight like almost every night that i don't see my boyfriend which is nearly all the time except weekends basically we texted and he did his usual nit picking that i don't really love him that if someone rich and handsome came along i'd leave him that i was full of shit when i said he was cute the usual. He knows these things hurt me but blames his insecurities like thats his magic fix all to wipe away the hurt he feels i've always had a extreme loyalty with him we started off as best friends we've been friends for almost 3 years before we even started dating i'm open with him about everything i even switch with him and let him take the dominant role on occasion it's just lately i feel like i'm being punished for his insecurities not sure what to do at this point but a relationship whine isn't what i'm blogging for its the emotion it breaks loose in me.

I'm tired of nurturing him cooing in his ear that i love him blah blah blah quit fucking bitching already before i decide to take a swing at you, granted i admittedly have temper issues i usually reign it in but with valentines day coming up he's not making me feel special at all and all i wanted was a romantic weekend together so now instead i kinda want to beat him within and inch of his life just for the fun of it he wouldn't let me though a gentle tap on the ass is all he allows it seems since he's mostly vanilla. Ive been wanting to take it out on subs instead but i'm conflicted about those feelings yes partially i'd be doing it because i do have a sadistic streak and enjoy that side of the lifestyle as well but is my venting through corporeal punishment of another a abuse of power? some are masochistic and enjoy it i just feel conflicted sometimes about my wants and urges i guess even for lifestylers there are still some taboos

If i were to use someone for a beating tonight i'd be honest about the place it was coming from though in the pre scene interview but in all honesty sometimes i want to push limits a lot of subs fear things like knife and needle play and those are things i find interesting both from the submissive stand point and the dominant one. I've subbed before many times it is part of who i am even though i don't consider myself a switch i've been in the subspace that things like bondage tasks and pain can bring that release of stress that clear headedness that deep inner part of you breathing deeply in a sigh as you shrug off your stress and inhibitions i also believe that there is a reverse of that a domspace for lack of a better word that the causing of pain or giving of tasks controlling your sex etc gives me makes me feel like i control another creature that your some little bunny in a cage that i could poke the bunny or pet the bunny based off my mood that freedom of control that putting all my stresses out on you is freeing.

i think thats really all i should rant about for now since it's 1:30 in the morning and the only thing that would get me out of this mood right now would be some subbie abuse or shopping therapy and i doubt either is in store for me tonight so as always heres my wishlist buy me something if you wanna help rid me of my mood

You can't buy me or my affections for that

Well first off you can't buy me at all why? i'm priceless. My affections are given to those who earn it i've got a few subs even some that aren't mine i'm affectionate towards (MM SMW BMTV) are the initials of a couple usernames of some that i genuinely enjoy talking to and flirting with. tonight though i got annoyed some random sub messaged me luckily for him i'm a lady and wont post usernames because its uncouth but he offers me 10$ as a tribute now thats fine and dandy i'd take a free 10$ if thats what you wanted to do but expecting long term servitude on 10$ is laughable i get it your broke we all are it's life but why contact a findomme if you don't have more than 10$ set aside he claimed to be looking at my profile for a while now but just then found the courage to talk to me well thats fine but i'm way more valuable than 10$ and when subs try that crap on me it makes me feel like they think thats my value it's so frustrating and thats what put me on the end of my rope he seemed like a nice enough guy but unless you have something special to offer don't come begging to me for 10$ you could probably buy something small on my wishlist for that but still if your going to do something like that don't expect to be collared or even considered for 10$ it'd be a start but a slow one.Wishlist can be found here

Fantasy about/for one of my favorite subs

This is for a sub i released a while back he's one of my favorite subs and we still play occasionally but he's hoping to find someone local so he's been released to find his one although if he ever moved to colorado you could bet i'm collaring that cute little butt of his. This is a fantasy i had after a recent session we had where we briefly discussed him possibly coming out to visit now this would not be the case with most local sessions he's special if you contact me expecting something similiar well fuck off i typically don't do sexual things with subs special sub special circumstances.

You were in for a visit we'd talked so long online and you had served so dutifully no matter how humiliating or absurd your task was you followed it dutifully and without question, sometimes i admit i did things to see how far i could push your limits or just because it was funny to me which i still think you knew at least somewhat that in my deviousness i was trying to push you as you say i do have a evil smile. Which i was wearing when i answered the door you had on that shy little grin you always wear when your flustered the one that makes me giggle. As soon as you walked in a shock collar was firmly placed around your neck my evil smirk never leaving my face i told you to put your things in my room as that would be where you would stay during your stay i never said you'd be sleeping on the foot of my bed like a good little pet.

I allowed you to remove you collar long enough to shower although i stayed in the bathroom with you whilest you did to amuse myself with watching your body. Once finished with your shower i placed my nipple clamps on you not your cute but weaker ones and instructed you that you'd be cleaning the house and cooking dinner with the additional note that you weren't allowed to wear clothing and had to remain nude throughout his cleaning. i followed him throughout his cleaning with the remote to the shock collar in one hand a drink in the other smiling as he did his job i would send an occasional jolt to him if his pace wasn't fast enough or if i simply go bored and wanted a laugh.

After dinner was cooked i set out a dog bowl with his name written on it i bought special for him,he'd been trained to eat off the floor so well after all i figured he should have something special as a reward a bowl of his very own. As i set it down my corseted breast brushed against his muscled arm and i reached down and ran my fingers along his chaste cock the keys on a necklace i wore dangling between my breasts, he gave such a sad longing look that i simply giggled and gave him another zap from the dog collar. "now be a good boy eat your dinner and if your lucky i might just train you in other ways that you'd need to be trained, you make such a good house slave we'll see how you are as a sex slave later".

After dinner was eaten and the kitchen was cleaned he followed me to the bedroom where i have him kneel in front of the bed and worship my heels and feet i was wearing one of my favorite pairs red penthouse heels that had white and red gingham patterning at the top with a flower on top and a peep toe i instructed him to lick them clean after he finished licking all over my shoes he slipped my feet from them and began rubbing them occasionally sucking on my toes after a while i kneeled down unlocking his cock and after he removed his device i instructed him to unlace my corset i could have done it myself i do on a daily basis the but whats the point of doing it yourself when you have a perfectly good slave for it. once freed from my clothing i instructed him to masturbate whilst worshiping my body since i didn't want him to cum too quickly when i decided to use him.

As he kissed and massaged my body with his one free hand his breath quickened and he begged to be allowed to cum the hint of desperation more than a tad amusing i debated telling him to keep going but if he came he'd be punished for it but that defeated the purpose of me having him jack off to begin with i grabbed him by the collar placing him firmly kneeling in position in front of me i allowed him to cum on the condition he was to clean up his mess he came on my thighs as i removed his collar. I pushed him down to lick up his own cum giggling at the visible embarrassment and taunting him about it making him blush i brought him up to stand with me out of my heels and him finally allowed to stand the size difference was obvious. And a obvious turn on to have the control over a creature who not only was bigger than me but also stronger knowing if he wanted to he could over power me but instead chose to be my pet was a exhilarating rush.

I grabbed a few of my whips and instructed him to lay across my lap me removing his nipple clamps before he did so once across my lap his ass facing skyward i commented on how cute his little ass was and how red it would be when i was through. I told him if he made any noise while he was whipped he'd be whipped extra for it. I started off easily on him using the suede flogger to get him used to the impact mocking him continuously for his flinching before impact after about 20 strokes of the suede flogger i moved up to the leather flogger i was only going to do 10 strokes with it but he whimpered which made me give him 20 with that as well by the time i moved up to the cane he was panting and trying desperately to stay quiet i only caned him lightly 5 times and he dutifully stayed quiet when i let him get up from my lap he went back to his kneeling position at me feet which caused him obvious pain but he still had a look of longing submission in his eyes despite his reddened backside.

"lay down on the bed" i said with a smirk on my face, he dutifully fufilled the command finding himself being put into the underbed restraints i looked over absently to see his cock was once again hard looked like he liked his little spanking. I climbed him reaching his neck planting a little kiss before biting him hard enough to leave teeth marks on his neck.i mounted his face my pussy resting on his lips a devious smirk on my my face "if your a good boy and can make me cum as much as i want you might just get rewarded" i said leaning back and stroking his cock momentarily, at that his tongue began to frantically work my pussy licking and sucking as i bucked my hips on his face my wet pussy grinding into him after about an hour and a few orgasms later a dismounted his face i pulled a condom out of my drawer put it in my mouth and slipped my mouth and the condom over his throbbing cock he gasped and moaned slightly when i did so.

i put my hips over his grabbing him by the cock and slipping it back and forth over my wet pussy he struggled in his restraints at that point. I knew if he was free his submission nature might be overtaken by his sexual nature and he would have just tried to get himself inside me at that point the restraints had been a good idea usually when it came to men restraint was always a good idea. "please goddess oh please i'll serve you in anyway you wish" he begged causing me to smirk and slip his cock inside me which he bucked his hips as soon as he entered me. I rode him rough grinding my hips furiously i told him if he came without permission and i wasn't satisfied he'd have hell to pay.

as i rode him to my first orgasm i clawed into his chest hard enough to make him cry out and break the skin but that didn't stop me or him we were like animals trying to fuck each other as hard and roughly as our bodies were able after about my fourth orgasm he had claw marks and bite marks pretty much everywhere within reach and was begging to be allowed to cum so allowed him to cum he bucked inside me feverishly after it was all done i unrestrained him and told him he'd be sleeping at the foot of the bed like a good pet. I kissed him on the forehead and told him he'd done and good job but still had a lot to learn.

Now as i said at the beginning of the entry it was a fantasy it's for a special sub and knowing the chances of him coming to colorado will most likely never happen i don't do this with every sub nor would i want to special permissions from my boyfriend etc has to be recieved for things like this to happen it's a nice fantasy i enjoy it i think i'll keep the fantasy but it's not my domination style oh and heres my Wishlist again you should get me stuff it'd be awesome