When i was a little girl i'd collect caterpillars and feed them until the turned into pupa i had pupa all over my household in mason jars etc i often times collected them because i wanted to see what moths or butterflies they'd become. You see when i was younger i used to want to be a etymologist it was something i was obsessed over caterpillars was just simply one of my hobbies as a child, i think one of the reasons for my great interest in them though was metamorphosis. I've been thinking a lot lately in all thats been going on in my life lately with my life about metamorphosis how important it is on our journey through life only i believe people don't just have three states like a caterpillar but that people go through constant metamorphosis and i think it's important for growth and development, but conversely i often wonder if it's possible for a person to constantly grow with one person people grow apart take different paths grow disinterested not just in romantic lives but also in D/s relationships over the last few months i've gained subs and freed subs etc i just feel like sometimes life is overly complex and i miss the simple joys of watching other creatures grow up into their adult selves i think people often take youth for granted, i miss being the kid who had a kiddie pool that i bred frogs in and flooded our neighborhood with frogs other times i'm proud of who i've become as an adult.
I've been reading Marilyn Mansons book lately as well (or read it in two nights as i tend to do with books i enjoy) and the things that would have scared the 18 year old me in that book intrigued the 20 year old me who knows when i'm 25 i might be in a total different level of depravity or i might be a nun lol you never know with me i'm a extreme person. i've worked like a dog as of late since my mom broke her hip and it leaves me little time for writing these ramblings sometimes i wish i could automatically journal all of my random thoughts throughout the day so that it doesn't make it look frantic but i'm sure if ya'll got to see all of my thoughts you'd run away screaming.
the most interesting question i get asked fairly frequently from beginners and experienced kinksters alike is what my favorite kink is the truth is i don't have one (insert readers shocked face) because i'm constantly changing what i enjoy most people often say that not having a favorite is a cop out but in general why would i go to a buffet and only choose to eat steak when theres shrimp over there and ice cream and all sorts of variety granted i have my meat and potatoes kink and few limits but i think the saying variety is the spice of life is one of the most honest things i've heard in life.well i figured i'd write 2 journal entries for my thoughts but apparently my plans decided to change so instead of double post friday it'll be really long post friday.
I find it funny often times how people are in the lifestyle now not everyone but a lot of them either judge others kinks or have a elitist attitude over what makes someone dominant or submissive and what doesn't well i'm of the mind set that to each their own and what works for some might not work for others. Kink can be therapeutic i think people have a natural duality to them and most people fight the dark side but it seems like people into kin explore their darker sides flesh out what most people fear and find beauty in them. I've met people and experimented in things i never thought i would some weren't my kinks some became them but i find the dual sides people keep is interesting like the man who's alpha in his day to day life but wants nothing more than to kneel before a woman in the night, or conversely the southern girl who was raised in a religious family raised that a woman should be quiet polite and a good cook (if you havent figured out by now the second example is me and yes i am a good cook but i'm far from quiet) i have my beliefs in life and i know what i want people often assume because of my age my looks or something else that i'm not kinky enough not experienced enough or just not something enough but like beauty kink can be in the eye of the beholder.
Life like people is a complex web of everything melded together. i'm a little bit of eveything but in the bottom of everything i am me i'm a Domme i'm a southern girl a country girl with a goth side i'm a christian i'm a sinner i'm a fighter and i'm stronger than i look and tougher than i'm given credit for. i have my kinks and my limits i am a human being just like everyone else real fake or flake everyone at their core is a human being granted there are some human beings i don't want to socialize with but everyone has feelings and emotions getting to the root of that gives me a better respect for life it's why i don't send initial messages that are demanding commanding and bitchy i have that side to me but i am a human looking for other human interaction first cold blooded second i think if everyone felt the same there would be a lot less people who got their feelings injured but not everyone will think that way thats the beauty of the world different opinions and points of view.
I wish i could articulate my thoughts better but unfortunately a spot of ADD makes it difficult to stay on tangent i often find my best thoughts when i'm busying my hands cleaning or doing farm work it clears my mind enough to get my feelings and thoughts expressed but maybe it's better that i remain a mystery to everyone but myself, i find kinky people for the most part even if they fit in with society can feel like outcasts within their families their lives etc because they can't just openly say hey i'm kinky without judgment i have for the most part done this which didn't always mean kittens and rainbows sometimes it came with misunderstanding freak outs etc but now i feel more accepted. at the end of the day i'm me i'm everything good and everything bad that comes with being me i enjoy my life for what it is and i enjoy myself for what i am i might evolve and change over time but at the end of the day i am who i am and that person is kinky. I was going to title this blog entry from a maggot to a moth but thought the more sarcastic humor would be more amusing to people. as always heres my wishlist hopefully i didn't confuse the hell out of everyone i feel like this has become less blog more journal and a way to chronicle my feelings and express myself My wishlist
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