Just because i want to get to know subs doesn't mean i'm less of a domme it doesn't mean that getting to know someone makes me less in control from a logical standpoint if a domme knows more about a sub ho they got into bdsm what their experiences are what their interests and limits are it's easier to get into their heads and get into a mental state where you can give them a really good mind fuck. I think a lot of bdsm is cerebral and just going through the motions for the sake of it gets old quickly. i like finding nuances in a subs personality and using them against them some subs have told me that i was good at mind fucking them without them even realizing it until it's too late to turn back and thats because i take the time to get to know a bit about any potential sub.
Some subs have said that a sub shouldn't tell a domme their ideals because then it's automatically topping from the bottom or she's not a real domme. that might be the case if the domme did exactly what the subs ideal was but that's not why i ask. i ask because it tells me how you work as a sub it tells me how you view bdsm and findom it tells me how your mind thinks and considers bdsm and findom it. Also why not learn as much as possible about a sub and their interests to know if their compatible or not for instance if my favorite fetish is a hard limit for them there probably better off with a mistress who's also not interested in that fetish.
So if subs want to judge me based on my interest in getting to know them on a psychological level then thats their loss because anyone can walk up call a sub some names and say give me money (not accusing anyone of that) but my style is to try and find what makes a sub tick partially because i sat in on a lot of my moms psychology classes for college so it gave me a fascination with the workings of the human mind and partially because sometimes it's good to know for instance a sub hates writing lines so that if they piss me off i can go to some of the things that annoy the subs for whatever reason they need punishing.
I also tend to find it interesting that will say things to the affect of oh if you ask about what i want your not a true domme or your not as dominant as other dommes who don't ask those things because that to me lacks submission entirely. they think it's not submissive of them to answer those questions but they still find it submissive to tell you your not dominant for asking those questions. I find it rather disrespectful yet funny at the same time.
Honestly if i cant find a intellectual connection with a sub then i'm less likely to have much interest with him maybe it's because i find intelligence sexy or maybe it's because stupid people annoy me either way it's my preference as a domme to know more about a sub and i'm sure all the subs i own have owned or have rt sessioned with would agree that i'm dominant whether i ask those questions or not
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